Because All Content Deserves To Go Viral.
Because All Content Deserves To Go Viral.
Illustration for article titled Yes! Every 2019 Nissan Will Have Airbags That Eject At Random Every So Often Because Nissan Works Really Hard On Them And Wants People To See Them

If you’re in the market for a car, get excited, because Nissan is about to roll out an incredible new feature for all of its new models that will probably convince you to buy from the company: Every 2019 Nissan will have airbags that eject at random because Nissan works really hard on its airbags and it wants people to see them!

Previously, the Japanese car manufacturer’s airbags would only deploy in the event of a serious collision or rapid deceleration, which severely limited the number of people who had the chance to admire a dependable, professionally crafted Nissan airbag. But now, Nissan is pulling out all the stops so that even the most careful drivers can see one of its top-quality fabric airbags when they eject at approximately 200 mph without any warning or provocation whatsoever.


“For so long, no matter how much time and effort we put into making them, our airbags have received little to no recognition from drivers who don’t get into serious accidents,” said Nissan CEO Hiroto Saikawa. “Now, that’s all going to change. After years of working hard to design some of the best airbags in the industry, we’re going to ensure that all our drivers have a chance to see one up close by having the airbags deploy for no reason every once in a while. Whether you’re on the highway or pulling out of your garage, or just parked on the side of the road, not moving at all, every Nissan customer can anticipate that their driver, passenger, and side airbags will activate at any moment, finally giving them a chance to appreciate all the work Nissan puts into its top-of-the-line safety features.”

Soon, thousands of drivers will get the surprise of realizing exactly what makes Nissan airbags so special, as well as just how great of a choice they made in buying a Nissan. Simply amazing. Hey, Nissan, take our money, please!

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