If grand romantic gestures aren’t your thing, you might want to stop reading now, because this is a story of a man who is going to truly extraordinary lengths to prove his love to the woman of his dreams: Phil Margera is piloting a hot-air balloon over to London to win back the heart of Meghan Markle and take her on a romantic vacation.
Beautiful! This is seriously like something straight out of a fairy tale.
According to sources, Margera is currently flying a hot-air balloon at very high speeds over the Atlantic Ocean in desperate pursuit of his ex-girlfriend Markle, whom he broke up with over 10 years ago at the height of his Viva La Bam fame so he could play the field and enjoy the perks of his celebrity.
Having since realized that Markle is the love of his life and that dumping her was an enormous mistake, the 61-year-old Jackass star is now hurtling through the skies en route to London, where his former flame moved earlier this year to be with another man. Wearing absolutely nothing except for a flirty white pair of briefs and brandishing a box of Buncha Crunch and some roses he picked up for Markle at the gas station, it’s clear that Margera is pulling out all the stops to woo the woman he loves.
“I love you, Meghan Markle, and I’m going to marry you and start a family with you at my house in Pennsylvania, just like you always wanted!” shouted Margera just moments ago, still thousands of miles from land, while waving a homemade sign reading “DON’T BE A NUCKLEHEAD—GET BACK WITH PHIL.” “I’m sorry that I dumped you, Meghan, but I’ve since become a better man and now I’m ready to be the supportive partner you deserve! Please, take me back! I brought you some delicious Buncha Crunch to show you how sorry I am!”
“We’ll have the perfect life together!” Margera continued. “We’ll play cards all the time and listen to Bloodhound Gang and hang out with Preston and Wee Man—just like we always dreamed!”
Margera went on to declare that if Markle agrees to get back together with him, then he’ll take her on a fabulous, romantic vacation to one of the top-rated resorts in the Wisconsin Dells and that Preston, Wee Man, and his wife April can come along, too, and they’ll all have a kickass time together, just like the good old days. However, it still remains to be seen whether or not Margera will actually survive the journey to London, as he is currently unwittingly steering his hot-air balloon directly into the spiraling outer bands of a powerful tropical storm, the violent winds of which will likely destroy his balloon and send him crashing down into the ocean. Yet anything is possible with the power of love, and come hell or high water, it’s clear that Margera is willing to do whatever it takes to win back his sweetheart.
Whatever ends up happening, this is already shaping up to be one of the most beautiful love stories of all time. Here’s hoping Phil is at least able to survive the journey over the Atlantic and confess his true feelings to Meghan so that both of them don’t have to spend the rest of their lives wondering about what might’ve been.