If you’re tired of all the negative stories in the news these days, here’s something that’ll make you smile for a change: When this town discovered one of its neighbors was walking 70 miles a day to masturbate in the forest, it came together and bought him a Lamborghini so he could drive there in style!

Amazing! It just goes to show you how much good can be accomplished when people care for one another.

Advertisement

The heartwarming saga unfolded earlier this month, when residents of Buffalo Grove, IL, started seeing one of their neighbors, 45-year-old Oscard Olmstead, regularly walking on the side of the highway for hours on end with a small container of Vaseline in his hand. When they asked him about it, they learned that Oscar has a spot very deep in the woods where he likes to masturbate, but unfortunately he didn’t have access to a car or public transportation. Because of this, every day he had no choice but to walk all 70 miles to the forest, masturbate in the heart of the forest, and then turn around and walk another 70 miles all the way back.

It was a grueling trek, and Oscar had to wake up before dawn each morning just to make it to the forest in time to pleasure himself by four in the afternoon. But despite how tedious and exhausting his daily commute to the forest was, Oscar always kept a positive attitude and never complained. And his community took notice. In fact, people were so impressed by Oscar’s dedication that they came together and raised over $200,000 to buy him a beautiful brand-new Lamborghini so he could drive to the woods in style!

“It was so incredibly kind of them to do this for me, and now when I go to the forest to jack off I feel like a sultan in my Lamborghini,” said Oscar, expressing gratitude for his community’s amazing act of generosity. “The long walk to the woods used to make me grouchy, but now I can speed to the woods at 180 mph, and when I rub one out in the middle of the forest, I’m smiling the whole time!”

Advertisement

Beautiful. If that doesn’t bring a tear to your eye, nothing will. Kudos to the good people of Buffalo Grove for helping out a neighbor in need. If there were more people like them, the world would be a much better place!