Throughout the ages, many words have been penned on the subject of man’s duality, and here’s a story that proves once again that multiple conflicting identities can coexist within a single human vessel: This little boy’s screams are similar to those of a little bitch.

Fascinating. The human animal is truly a creature of paradox.

To casual observers, 7-year-old Henry Nichol might seem like a tough and rowdy young fellow, what with his grubby, unkempt appearance and inclination toward such rugged pursuits as roughhousing and spitting on the ground. Yet beneath all his boyish bravado lies a contradictory nature, as exemplified earlier today when, frustrated by his older brother’s refusal to give him a turn on PlayStation 4, he let out a loud, whiny cry nearly identical in tone and expression to that of a sniveling little bitch-boy. Though dressed in the decidedly boylike attire of grass-stained blue jeans and a T-shirt bearing the emblem of his favorite football team, the unmistakable colors of a cowardly teat-suckler shone through brightly as his brother, annoyed by his shrill bitch-whimpers, pinned him down and began wailing on his arm, eliciting pitiful cries of “Stop it!” and “I’m gonna tell on you!” clearly revealing a second, underlying identity: that of a snot-nosed, baby-dicked wuss.

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Hearing the wiry lad squealing louder and louder as his older brother tauntingly dangled an elastic yellow loogie from his mouth over his sibling’s face only to suck it back up at the very last second, one could distinctly perceive his two coexisting natures—little boy and little bitch—manifesting simultaneously. And as the teary-eyed squirt writhed on the ground and hollered in pain despite the fact that his brother was barely even touching him, it was undeniably evident that here was the soul of a spineless little milksop bitch housed in the flesh of a boy-child.

What an extraordinary yet curious phenomenon to behold.

Of course, accepting the duality of his being begs the question: Could the boy exist without the screaming little bitch inside of him? And/or will the little bitch soul perish upon the death of his corporeal body? Perhaps the physical sciences will never offer us a perfect answer. Nevertheless, as he sobbed pathetically, running up the stairs to tattle to his mother, the dual nature of his person could not be denied.

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