Bad News For The #Resistance: Sources Close To Mueller Are Suggesting The Pee Tape Is Real, But It Is Hot As Hell, Maybe The Sexiest Event Ever Caught On Camera

For those holding out hope that the infamous pee tape will eventually surface and expose President Trump for the depraved monster he truly is, sadly it’s now looking like, if anything, the video will only make him more popular than ever: According to new intel from sources close to Special Counsel Robert Mueller, the…

Royal Wedding Watch: Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Have Entered The PODS Container Where Their 8-Month-Long Honeymoon Will Take Place

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are about to enjoy their holy union in the intimate privacy of the PODS container they’ll be renting for over half a year. In a swoon-worthy moment of chivalry, Prince Harry used all his strength to hold open the pod’s vertically sliding door 2 feet high, just enough room for Meghan…

Royal Wedding Watch: Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Just Drove Away From Windsor Castle With A Dozen Festive Commoners Tied To The Back Of Their Car

Friends and family are waving after the newly married Prince Harry and Meghan Markle as they drive away from the church with “Just Married” written across the rear window and a dozen commoners festively tied to the bumper being dragged on the ground behind. Queen Elizabeth was seen wiping tears away from her eyes as…

Royal Wedding Watch: The Newlyweds’ Departure From Windsor Castle Signals The Official Conclusion Of The 2018 Winter Olympic Games

While today marks a new beginning for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, this morning also marks the end of the 2018 Winter Olympics, which ran for two weeks in mid-February, followed by three months of complete inactivity, and finally culminated this morning in royal matrimony inside St. George’s Chapel. The send-off…

Royal Wedding Watch: The Officiant Just Asked All Of The Eunuchs Present To Please Rise, And Now Pretty Much All But 3 Guys Are Standing

Continuing a beautiful, centuries-old tradition of royal weddings, the officiant just moments ago asked if all eunuchs in attendance would please rise and make themselves known, and to the delight of viewers worldwide, pretty much all but three guys are now standing. Foremost among the eunuchs is his highness Prince…

Royal Wedding Watch: The Officiant Just Asked That Everyone Refrain From Throwing Their Peanut Shells On The Floor, But Seems Like People Are Still Doing It Anyway

Despite the fact that the royal wedding officiant has asked guests to stop throwing their peanut shells on the ground and to instead place them in the red plastic baskets attached to the back of the pews, everyone is pretty much ignoring him and just tossing them any which way. Most people are still loudly cracking…

The Royal Tortoise Who’s Been Carrying Brides To The Altar For The Past 400 Years Is Taking, Like, Half An Hour To Get Meghan Markle Down The Aisle

Unfortunately, the ceremony is now running considerably behind schedule, as the regal tortoise who’s been carrying brides to the altar at royal weddings for the past 400 years is taking, like, half an hour to get Meghan Markle down the aisle. Despite having entered with the bride through the church’s narthex over 28…

In A Clever Allusion To U.S. Presidential History, None Of The Show’s Co-Hosts Are Women: Everything You Need To Know About ‘Pod Save America’

Averaging about 1.5 million listeners per episode, Pod Save America has established itself as one of the most popular political podcasts available today. The show is hosted by four former Obama White House staffers, and has featured a variety of influential Democrats as guests, including Kamala Harris, Elizabeth…

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