‘In Office, I Only Ate 7 Almonds A Day. As A Private Citizen, I’ll Spoil Myself With 8, Even 9 Almonds A Day Sometimes’: 5 Questions With Barack Obama

Barack Obama needs no introduction. The Illinois senator-turned-president is currently enjoying life as a private citizen, and has largely remained mum on the turbulent state of U.S. politics. We sat down with POTUS 44 to talk about his legacy and bridging the divide in a polarized America.

I’m Proud Of President Trump For Replacing The Un-American Practice Of Family Separation With The Profoundly American Practice Of Mass Incarceration (By Mitch McConnell)

As a senator and a public servant, it’s my job to uphold American morals every day. That’s why I’m proud of President Trump for signing an executive order on immigration that did away with the un-American practice of family separation and replaced it with the profoundly American practice of mass incarceration.

A Piece Of History: The Bulletproof Helmet JFK Took Off So He Could Let His Long, Luscious Hair Blow Freely In The Wind On The Day He Died Is Coming To The Smithsonian 

The shocking assassination of President John F. Kennedy is one of the darkest days in U.S. history, and one that irrevocably changed the course of the nation. Now, almost 55 years after Lee Harvey Oswald robbed the country of its young and promising leader, a critical relic from that fateful day will be put on display…

Incredible: Here’s How People In Every State Say ‘Here Comes A Big Roaring Man Emerging From The Lake’

People all across America have different, quirky regionalisms for phrases like “rubbernecking,” “garage sale,” and, “Here comes a big roaring man emerging from the lake.” If you want to know how people in all 50 states (plus Puerto Rico and D.C.) say “big roaring man emerging from the lake,” here is the definitive

Our Brave Savior: Donald Trump Is Working TIRELESSLY To Return The Precious White Orbs Obama STOLE From The FURIOUS Dwarf King That Lives Under America

President Trump is hard at work to fix the disaster that idiot clown Obama left America in. The socialist bozo STOLE the Dwarf King’s precious white orbs, and the dwarven monarch is FURIOUS and SWEARS VENGEANCE against the surface world unless his beloved stone spheres are returned to his SUBTERRANEAN KINGDOM.…

I May Not Agree With Everything Trump Says, But It’s My Duty As An American To Repeat All Of His Talking Points Basically Verbatim

As a conservative voter, there are parts of Trump’s agenda that I agree with and other actions he’s taken that I find troubling or simply bizarre. However, as a patriotic American it’s my duty to memorize Trump’s talking points, ignore my own misgivings, and defend the president by quoting him essentially verbatim.

The Last Hurdle: Congress Has Informed Puerto Rico It Can’t Be The 51st State Until It Gets Its Obesity Rate Up To The U.S. Average

In a historic election held Sunday, the people of Puerto Rico voted in favor of becoming the 51st state in the United States of America. While the majority of Puerto Ricans now support statehood, they still have one last hurdle to clear before they can officially join the union. Congress has informed Puerto Rico that…

6 People Who Paul Revere Was Forced To Kill Because They Were Also Riding Through The Colonies At Midnight, Shouting About How Much They Loved Salsa

On April 18, 1775, Paul Revere rode on horseback from Boston to Lexington, warning American patriots of the coming British army. Unfortunately, he was forced to kill six people that night because they were shouting so loudly about how much they loved salsa that they were completely drowning out his warnings about the

Visionary: Jared Kushner Has Announced Plans To Heal A Divided America With A Blockbuster Comedy He’s Writing Called ‘Boss-In-Law’

With the political climate only growing nastier and more divisive by the day, America desperately needs something to rally behind, and it looks like Jared Kushner is finally stepping up to the plate. Donald Trump’s son-in-law and senior advisor announced this morning that he plans to bring the country together as one…

Troubling Report: U.S. Intelligence Agencies Have Concluded That If Trump Were Secretly Controlled By Russia, It Would Be Sort Of Badass If You Think About It

As Donald Trump’s possible links to the Russian government remain under intense scrutiny, our intelligence agencies just made a bombshell announcement. An alarming joint report released by the CIA, FBI, and NSA this morning found that if Trump is in fact a pawn that Russia has successfully placed inside the White…