Illustration for article titled Security Win: ADT Is Introducing A New Service Where An Employee Wakes You Up In The Middle Of The Night When They’ve Got A Bad Feelingem/em

The worst nightmare for any homeowner is a break-in, but luckily there’s a brand-new monitoring system to ease minds: ADT Security is introducing a service where an employee wakes you up in the middle of the night if they’ve got a bad feeling.

Well done, ADT! Having a security analyst shake you awake if something seems off to them is a smart idea that could save lives.


If you sign up for ADT’s ConstantFret security monitoring, an ADT employee will nervously pace throughout your house all night long. If they hear a strange noise or if it seems too quiet, they’ll immediately run to your bedroom and rouse you from slumber so you can check it out. Even if you tell them nothing seems wrong, they won’t let you go back to bed until you peek out the window to make sure nobody is lurking in the yard, jiggle your front and back doorknobs to ensure they’re still securely locked, glance into every room to scan for intruders, and also check under the bed and in the closet in case a murderer is hiding there.

After settling the ADT analyst’s fears and giving them a comforting glass of warm milk to drink, they’ll allow you to return to sleep, safe in the knowledge that nobody is about to kill you until they get another feeling in the pit of their stomach, wherein the process will repeat.

In a world full of threats, it’s good to know that ADT is putting its fears to work to keep us safe from all the potential dangers it’s imagined. An ADT security expert’s gut feeling could save your life if, god forbid, their ominous hunch ever turns out to be right.

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