Hark! The God of the Sea is risen! The boundless power of Poseidon has found its corporeal home in this little boy at the beach, who is standing at the shoreline with his bathing suit down and peeing directly into the waves.

Ah! Gaze upon the sun’s rays glittering in this little boy’s Capri Sun-infused urine stream, and know that you are in the presence of an Olympian god born once more. Poseidon has returned in an earthly form to look out on the great expanse of his oceanic domain along the shores of Spring Lake, New Jersey, and he is relieving himself amid the ocean spray for all to see.

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Creatures of the sea, kneel before your maritime master, whose Ben 10 swim trunks now lay in a heap at his feet, his posterior bare for the crowds of vacationers and beachcombers to witness as he urinates into the low-tide currents. Try as this boy’s grandmother might to usher him back to the family’s camp of beach chairs and have him use a boardwalk restroom instead of his watery kingdom, she is destined to fail, as this young vessel of Poseidon speaks only the language of the waves, and would spend all eternity in the underworld before obeying the bidding of a mortal. O! How glorious!

The contents of this boy’s bladder are as golden as the trident that called forth the storms that punished Odysseus so long ago!

The King of the Oceans is alive and well in this little boy, and the boogie boarders surfing directly into the path of his urinary release—no doubt beckoned by his unbridled power—are a sure sign that his control over the ocean and its inhabitants is as mighty as ever. The gods triumph once again! We worship you, O ruler of the seas, O Poseidon made flesh!

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