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Because All Content Deserves To Go Viral.
Illustration for article titled No Excuse: This Kid Who’s Rich Enough To Have A Full-Blown Basketball Court In His Backyard Is By Far The Shittiest Basketball Player On His Team em/em

Here’s a story of squandered privilege that will almost certainly leave you shaking your head: This kid who’s rich enough to have a full-blown basketball court in his backyard is by far the shittiest basketball player on his team.

Sigh. What a fucking waste.

With a regulation-size court right in his backyard, complete with NBA-quality equipment and floodlights for after-dark play, you’d think that 11-year-old rich kid Adam Belnap would be among the best players in his fifth-grade league, if not the best. But nothing could be further from the truth. Because Adam, despite having 24/7 access to the same kind of practice setup as the pros, has quickly earned a reputation as the player on his team you absolutely do not pass the ball to, as he’ll immediately find some dumb-fuck way to blow the possession. Though his parents shelled out $8,000 over the summer to send him to Chris Paul’s weeklong youth basketball intensive, Adam somehow still struggles with basic ball-handling and shooting techniques, as evidenced by his first game after returning from camp, where he went 0 for 6 on free throws and racked up eight turnovers.


It’s fucking embarrassing. When Adam shows up to games decked out in his $150 KD 11 shoes and shooting sleeve, chewing on those expensive Gatorade performance gummies, opposing teams instantly assume that Adam’s going to be the hardest player to guard. But, nope, he’s a total pushover. Even Derrick, the poor kid who wears blue jeans to every practice because he can’t afford any basketball stuff, is leagues ahead of Adam, because unlike his wealthy-ass teammate, he doesn’t shoot in a panic every time he enters the paint out of fear of taking a little contact. It’s honestly inexcusable that Adam, a kid whose parents pay for him to have weekly one-on-one training sessions with a former Duke player, is routinely getting benched in favor of Derrick, a kid whose parents are rumored to be in jail. It’s Derrick, for fuck’s sake!

Shit’s weak.

For someone whose parents have literally given him every possible opportunity to develop into the next Steph Curry, Adam has no excuse to be chucking bricks. At the very least he should be on a travel team, but clearly that’s not happening any time soon. The kid just sucks ass, and he’s got no one to blame but himself.

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