Well, well, well, would you look who’s come crawling back with their tail between their legs. Not so high and mighty now, are you? It appears that the filthy public toilet stall you thought you were too good for turned out to be your best option.

Not so picky now, are you? Take a seat on this grimy toilet, because you’ve just learned the hard way you’re not going to be doing any better.

Hard to believe it was just a minute ago that you saw this dingy public toilet stall with its broken latch and piss-soaked floor and thought to yourself, “I know I can do better than this.” But you’re sure as hell singing a different tune now that you’ve seen the gag-inducing disasters in the other stalls and realized that this one is a goddamn palace in comparison. You’ve got to go somewhere, so swallow your pride and accept that this nasty toilet stall is all you’ve got left.

Try not to get anything gross on your crown, Your Majesty!

How pitiful you must feel to resign yourself to a stall that needs to be held shut with one hand when you haughtily assumed there would be another stall more befitting of your lordly standards. Now you’ve returned, your mind scarred from the nauseating clogs and shit-stained biohazards you found in all the other stalls. You’re pathetic. You’re nothing. Sit yourself down on this sickening toilet and accept your fate. For you, this is the height of luxury.

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My oh my, how the mighty have fallen. It’s time to wad up some toilet paper and do your best to scrub down the seat, because the disgusting, run-down toilet stall you thought you could reject is as good as you’re ever getting. You should consider yourself lucky.