If you’re a nobleman and looking for an easier way to avoid burning in hell for all eternity, get ready to have your mind blown by this incredible new life hack going around that’s officially life-changing: The wealthy are now buying spots in Heaven from the church before they die.
Um yeah, this sounds like a way more efficient way to get to Heaven than pleading with the Lord for forgiveness and striving to live righteously for your entire life. Why didn’t we think of this?
Seriously, buying a spot in Heaven is such an awesome way to receive salvation through the mercy of Jesus Christ without all the work. And it makes so much sense: Any wealthy person who’s living a life of sin and decides they want to go to Heaven when they die without having to do a bunch of religious stuff can just pay the church money and the church will make sure they skip purgatory and go straight to Heaven, no questions asked.
Yeah, it’s seriously that easy! Kind of sad to think of all that time you’ve spent fretting and worrying over whether you’re being good enough to keep from burning in hell, huh?
Here’s how this cool new trick works. Just approach the priest at your nearest cathedral and tell him you want to spend eternity in paradise when you die and that you have lots of money. The priest will then have you go into the confession box to confess your sins, which literally only takes one or two minutes. Then the priest will let you know how much gold you need to give to the church in order to go directly to Heaven when you die no matter what. Once you pay up, it’s a done deal!
Needless to say, this is a seriously huge game-changer for any wealthy person interested in getting into Heaven. Of course, for any peasants or commoners without money, the best route to Heaven is still going through the tedious slog of praying every day and constantly humbling yourself before the Lord, but if you’ve got enough money to just pay the church to erase your sins, you’d be a fool to pass up this incredible life hack! Efficiency FTW!
From the Creators of The Simpsons, Disenchantment is now streaming on Netflix