The first time my doctor recommended that I vaccinate my baby boy, I was skeptical. I had read countless articles listing scary, unpredictable side effects associated with childhood vaccines, and no matter what my doctor said, I was really worried that a single flu shot or measles injection might negatively affect my son’s health for the rest of his life. Thankfully, I decided to revisit the topic with my doctor at a recent checkup, and this time something happened that finally made me see the light: I was anti-vaccine until my doctor got hot and suggested them to me again.
Admitting that you’re wrong is truly difficult, but as soon as my doctor walked into the room with a beautiful, chiseled body and reiterated the importance of protecting my child from rubella, I knew that this time, I was going to listen.
To any parents who are still afraid of vaccinating their kid, I get it—for a long time, I was in the same boat. Back when my doctor was unattractive, he told me all about how safe and carefully regulated vaccines are, but coming from his doughy, acne-ridden face, it sounded like an ugly big pharma stooge covering up the true danger of vaccines. What I really needed was a little time to step back, think, and let my doctor get a more flattering haircut and drop 15 pounds so that I could get lost in his dreamy, sky-blue eyes the next time he debunked anti-vaxxer rhetoric. It was amazing how much I was able to learn about the eradication of smallpox once I saw the results of his deltoid exercises that made his shoulders strong and defined like a young John Wayne.
It was as if a light had turned on in my head—all of a sudden I was having dreams every night about my doctor bursting into my bedroom, tearing my clothes off, and whispering in my ear the number of children aged 0 to 3 who are saved annually by a simple shot.
I understand that making such a personal and important decision about the well-being of your child can be difficult, but trust me, it’s a lot easier when you are properly informed by a beautiful man with arms that can cradle you next to a roaring fireplace. Before my doctor got hot, I even tried to do my own research on the subject, but none of the pro-vaccine charts and statistics were ever really convincing until that same doctor explained them to me with his newly toned bicep gently brushing against my shoulder. Now, instead of spending every day needlessly worrying that my baby will somehow develop autism from a vaccine, I simply replay my informative conversations with my doctor in my head, over and over again, noticing the way his shirt strains against his pecs and how that one curl of auburn hair always falls in his eyes, and I feel totally confident in the decision I’ve made.
At the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide what to do with your children, but I truly hope my experience will help guide somebody down the right path. I, too, once fell victim to anti-vaxxer hysteria, and at the time, I had nobody to talk to but a doctor with severe adult acne. But if my doctor can find a way to clear up his T-zone and change my mind, then there’s hope for children and parents everywhere.