Illustration for article titled Heartbreaking: This Old Woman’s Family Put Her In A Nursing Home And Now John Stamos Hardly Ever Comes By To Have Sex With Her

It’s no secret that growing old can be a lonely, isolating experience. Perhaps nobody understands this better than Phyllis Arthur, who was put in a nursing home by her family last year and now hardly ever gets visited by John Stamos to have sex.

Poor woman. It’s hard enough to feel wanted and loved as you grow old, but to be sent to a nursing home and feel completely abandoned by the 90s TV star who used to make love to you at least once a week is beyond heartbreaking.


Day after day, 92-year-old Phyllis spends the majority of her hours sitting alone in her room at Golden Acres Retirement Home, watching the door and hoping that John Stamos’ smiling face walks through it to come have sex with her like he promised he would when her family first moved her out of her beloved home of 55 years. As it stands, John Stamos has only come by to see his nonagenarian sex partner on four occasions in the 18 months Phyllis has been at Golden Acres, and at times it feels like her TV star boy toy no longer has any use for a frail, wrinkled woman like her.

It’s hard for Phyllis not to feel forgotten. Countless long and lonely afternoons pass with Phyllis absentmindedly working on puzzles with an eye on the visitor check-in desk, yearning for the electrifying sensation of John’s naked body atop hers. She tries to assure herself that John Stamos is busy and has his own life to attend to, but she can’t help but feel that the sun is setting on her long life and that TV’s Uncle Jesse should cherish these last few years of good fucking before she passes on to the great orgy in the sky.


She even keeps a nude photo of Stamos that he framed and gave to her on her night stand. Phyllis loves to show it to all her nursing home friends and brag about her successful, middle-aged TV star lover and all the wonderful things he does to her body. But as his visits become less and less frequent, she often sits and stares longingly at the photo, tearfully masturbating and wondering if John has completely forgotten how good of a piece of fuck meat she is. Maybe I’m not kinky enough for him anymore, she worries. Maybe I should’ve pissed on him last time like he wanted.

It doesn’t seem like Stamos has any idea how much his visits mean to Phyllis. This past year, he dropped in the day after Christmas for a quickie and was gone in less than an hour. Phyllis tried to be understanding, but she was hoping they could spend the holidays naked in bed together, just like they used to when she was still in her 80s and living independently in her shag pad. For him to show up after Christmas had passed for a brief, passionless bang in the shower made Phyllis feel like an afterthought. He didn’t even seem to notice the mistletoe she had fastened to her pubic hair.


This is truly heartbreaking. Too often, the elderly are ignored and forgotten about after years of giving themselves to those they love. Let’s hope John Stamos wakes up and realizes that Phyllis won’t be around to ride his cock forever and starts giving her the sexual attention she deserves.

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