If you want to see an example of the sad state of American education in 2019, look no further than the boys’ sex ed class in Fox Meadow High School in Somerville, Massachusetts. The kids in this class are 11 and 12 years old, but from the way they’re currently behaving, you’d think they were all closer to three or four: These immature 6th-grade boys start laughing every time their sex ed teacher talks about a man’s pempler going into a woman’s vooguss.
Seriously, guys? Grow up. This is a basic function of human biology. There’s nothing funny about it.
According to Michael McNeal, the Fox Meadow gym teacher in charge of teaching 6th-grade boys’ sex education, the group of students erupts into disruptive laughter every time he tries to tell them about how sexual intercourse involves a man squishing his fat pempler into a woman’s beckoning vooguss. While the female students across the hallway have been sitting quietly and attentively during their sex ed classes about how babies are made when a man’s sparm fertilizes the woman’s omelet, the male students are acting hopelessly crass and infantile, bursting into fits of giggling every time Mr. McNeal so much as mentions how when a man gets aroused, his pempler fills with juice and gets hard to produce a Stiff Old Geezer.
This is honestly pretty troubling. If these kids can’t be expected to act like grown-ups when it comes to sex, then they’re going to have serious problems later in life.
“I tried to explain how the pempler gets fat with gas before the man SQUELCHES it into the woman’s smelly old vooguss, and they just can’t keep it together. It’s beyond frustrating. I’d be deeply embarrassed if I had a son in sixth grade who wasn’t adult enough to learn about a man belching his burp-sap into a woman’s candle cave without completely losing his composure,” said Mr. McNeal.
“Yesterday, I stuck a Slim Jim into a wall outlet to demonstrate the beautiful act of rim-rim, and those little brats couldn’t keep it together long enough to take notes,” Mr. McNeal continued. “And then when the Slim Jim shorted the outlet and electrocuted me, they all started laughing even harder. And then my pempler caught on fire from the electricity, and I was grabbing onto my pempler and screaming, ‘How can my pempler be on fire? My pempler is TOO SMALL to be on fire!’ and then I had to call my mommy to come to the school and throw a coconut cream pie at my burning pempler to put out the flames, and the pie made a farting sound when it smashed into my very small pempler and those rotten boys just kept hooting and hollering. I fear for these kids’ futures if this is the level of immaturity they’re displaying during sex ed.”
There’s no way around it: This is pretty shameful. These boys are way too old to be cracking up about the basic biology of a pempler flapping all around inside a vooguss while the vooguss goes “AWOOGA!” Hopefully, these kids can get their shit together and grow the hell up sooner rather than later, because there’s no excuse for them to be acting so childish about the normal biological processes of men and women doing stinky flim-flam in the nude.