Ever wonder what’s on the mind of today’s most notable people? Well, don’t miss our unbelievable roundup of the best and most talked about quotes of the day:
"It’s 2013, and I’m at Yale for a show. I’m about to walk on stage when this chemistry student comes up to me carrying a beaker filled to the brim with some boiling gray liquid and insists I give it a taste. God damn does this thing stink, no doubt the worst stench I’ve ever smelled. So, of course, I refuse to touch the stuff. She looks at me, shrugs, and then walks out on stage and drinks the whole thing in front of the audience. Everyone goes wild with deafeningly loud applause. They cheer for an hour straight and then exit the auditorium before I tell one joke."
On why he refuses to perform at colleges
"I am always screaming because of Dracula."
On his craft
"If the bus is late, everyone on it should apologize for the inconvenience too."
On public transportation