Great news, drug kingpins, insider traders, arms dealers, and anyone else looking to convert their illicit earnings into 100 percent legal American cash: ClickHole now has a money-laundering service! Gone are the days of having to use shady middlemen or go through the hassle of setting up a business front to clean your drug and/or blood and/or stolen money. Now your favorite viral media website is taking the guesswork out of making your ill-gotten gains totally legit by funneling it through our store.
Can we get an amen???
ClickHole is approaching money laundering with the same enthusiastic zeal we use when aggregating irresistible listicles and ultra-shareable blog posts. And clean money isn’t the only thing you’ll get when you launder money with us: You’ll also receive a totally exclusive “I Laundered Money On ClickHole” T-shirt so you can proudly tell the world that you only use the best money-laundering service in the business, and we’ll send you a signed work order from ClickHole detailing all the work you did to legally earn the money, just in case the SEC comes sniffing around (we got you, fam!). And of course, you’ll receive a totally aboveboard, ClickHole-certified money order for 60 percent of the total amount you want to launder after we take our cut for our troubles.
Here’s how it works: You pay us $100, and we’ll send you your “I Laundered Money On ClickHole” shirt, your work order, and a money order for $60. Because money laundering is a dangerous business, please be aware that ALL SALES ARE FINAL—NO REFUNDS.
Sound good? Click here to start launderin’ all your money, and don’t worry: Johnny Law won’t come sniffing around whatever illegal operation you got cookin’ since it’ll look like you’re just putting in an honest day’s work for ClickHole, an upstanding business that is highly regarded by all. And since we’re just starting our money-cleaning business, we can only take 20 orders at a time, so if you’re not in the first round, sign up here to be notified for your next opportunity to convert your illegal money into untraceable aboveboard U.S. currency.
So after taking some of our click-worthy quizzes or watching a heartwarming video on ClickHole, navigate over to our store and click the LAUNDER MONEY NOW — 100% LEGAL CASH ~ SLIGHT FEE ~ GOOD FOR PEOPLE ENGAGED IN ILLEGAL ACTIVITY option. Laundering money used to be time-consuming, confusing, and a downright pain in the ass. But thanks to ClickHole, you’ll never have to worry about cleaning your illicit funds ever again. And that’s what it’s all about!