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ATTACK ON FREEDOM: HATE-MONGERING HILLARYITES Just Shooed Stephen Miller Away From The Bird Feeder Where He Was PEACEFULLY ENJOYING BREAKFAST

Yesterday 12:35pm
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Patriots, our liberty is being threatened by DISRESPECTFUL DEMS. Stephen Miller was CALMLY eating his breakfast of…

Roadmap To Peace: Necco Has Set Aside A Roll Of Wafers For Israel And Palestine To Share Only After They Achieve A Two-State Solution

Yesterday 10:00am
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With violence flaring up in the Middle East, peace between Israelis and Palestinians seems like a more distant goal…

Market Frenzy: Apple Stocks Have Skyrocketed After News Broke That The Business Pig Was Walking Around The Company’s Office

Friday 12:25pm
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If you’re an investor with holdings in Apple you’ve got to be jumping up and down with joy at today’s unprecedented…

Science FTW: Researchers Covered Head To Toe In Mustard Have Announced That Their Colleagues Got Them Good

Friday 12:20pm
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Anyone who keeps up with the science world is going to want to take some time to read about this fascinating new…

Heartwarming: These Students Raised $10,000 For Their Teacher When He Asked Them Nicely 

Friday 12:10pm
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A special group of kids at Lincoln Middle School in Bloomfield, MI just did one of the most heartwarming things of all…

Taking A Stand: ‘The New York Times’ Editorial Board Has Announced That George H.W. Bush Shouldn’t Do Too Many Other Things Because It Is Done Editing His Obituary

Friday 11:30am
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In a shocking and strongly worded statement published on its front page this morning, The New York Times Editorial…

Congratulations, You Can Now Launder Money On ClickHole.com!

Friday 10:45am
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Great news, drug kingpins, insider traders, arms dealers, and anyone else looking to convert their illicit earnings…

Exonerated: This Convicted Murderer Was Released From Prison After 20 Years When An Online Quiz Sorted Him Into Gryffindor

Wednesday 10:15am
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When Walter Anderson was convicted of murdering a convenience store clerk two decades ago, it seemed like he would be…

Taking Action: Legislators Have Introduced A Bipartisan Bill Demanding That The Trump Administration Make Its Inhumane Immigration Policies Easier To Ignore

6/18/18 2:10pm
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You spoke, and your national representatives have listened: In response to public outcry against the separation of…

Ominous: The USDA Has Printed Gene Hackman’s Nutritional Information On His Forehead

6/18/18 10:40am
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In a deeply ominous development earlier today, the U.S. Department of Agriculture made the official decision to print…

Major Scandal: Madame Tussauds Has Been Forced To Melt Down Tom Hanks’ Wax Sculpture After It Bit A Child 

6/18/18 9:50am
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Visitors at Madame Tussauds’ Orlando location were shocked and saddened by the events that unfolded earlier today, as…

John Bolton Unethically Took Home Nuclear Warheads To Deal With A Mouse Problem At His Own Personal Residence: Everything Horrible The Drumpf Administration Did This Week

6/15/18 12:28pm
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It seems like every week that passes by with Mr. Cheeto In Chief in charge of our country brings a whole new onslaught…

NASA Has Announced There Will Be An Ultra-Rare Spalding Eclipse Next Week Where The Sun Passes Directly Behind The Basketball Wedged In The Tree Outside This Boy’s Window

6/15/18 10:25am
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Any aspiring stargazers out there are going to want to take note, because an amazing astronomical phenomenon will be on…

Time To Panic: Aiden Did His Book Report Super Fast And Now One Of Us Has To Go Before Class Ends

6/14/18 2:00pm
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It’s officially time to freak out, because Aiden just seriously boned our entire English class: He did his book report…

Heartwarming: When This 25-Year-Old Resistance Member Was Dying Of Cancer, Robert Mueller Came To His Hospital Room To Give Him A Sneak Peek At The Conclusion Of The Russia Investigation

6/14/18 10:45am
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Make sure you have some tissues nearby, #Resistance Nation. This is bound to give you a happy sniffle or two.

Diplomacy Disaster: President Trump Just Sent Out A Series Of Tweets That Makes It Pretty Clear That He’s Under The Impression He Spent The Past Few Days Hanging Out With Chris Farley

6/14/18 10:35am
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For anyone who is heralding President Trump’s summit with Kim Jong-un as an historic step toward peace, you might want…

Its Biggest Challenge Yet: Netflix Just Announced That Every Episode Of The New ‘Queer Eye’ Season Will Be Dedicated To Making Over One Really, Really Gross Hermit They Found Fucking A Dead Turtle In The Woods

6/14/18 10:05am
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The Queer Eye crew has made over some pretty hopeless cases throughout the course of the show, but its next season will…

Confronting The Past: EA Just Spent Its Entire E3 Presentation Apologizing For Putting Antoine Walker On The Cover Of ‘NBA Live 99’

6/13/18 2:25pm
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Most video game developers use their massive platform at E3 to make announcements about future releases, but one brave…

Something Fucked-Up Must Have Happened: Every Suspect In This Police Lineup Is A Little Boy In A Sailor Suit Licking A Big Lollipop

6/12/18 10:55am
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Oh shit. You better buckle the fuck up for this one. Something truly fucked-up must have just happened, because every…

Master Dealmaker: Donald Trump Negotiated With Kim Jong-Un To End The U.S.’s Nuclear Weapons Program In Exchange For Reduced Sanctions On North Korea  

6/12/18 10:15am
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It seems as if Donald Trump’s brash, unpredictable approach to foreign diplomacy is finally paying off in a big way, as…

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