Illustration for article titled Anyone’s Game: These Middle School Talent Show Judges Can’t Decide Which Of The Fat-Kid-And-Janitor Duos Who Tap-Danced ‘You’ve Got A Friend In Me’ Should Win First Place

It’s rare that there are so many great acts in a talent show that it’s difficult to choose a winner, but that’s precisely the case in today’s competition at Timberlane Middle School in Pennington, New Jersey: The faculty members judging the talent show can’t decide which of the fat-kid-and-janitor duos who tap-danced to Randy Newman’s “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” should win first place.


Wow. Looks like the grand prize could still belong to any one of the many fat-kid-and-janitor-singing partnerships!

From the moment that the very first lonely-fat-kid-and-kindly-old-janitor duo strutted onstage to the opening notes of the iconic song from Toy Story, it was clear that their performance would be hard to beat. The incredible friendship these two misunderstood outcasts had managed to form despite their 50-year age difference was palpable as the janitor lifted the fat kid into the air and spun him around to close out their performance, resulting in a riotous standing ovation from the audience, many of whom were moved to tears by the beauty of seeing one of their shy, chubby peers suddenly dancing confidently alongside one of the sweet old men who works so hard to keep their school clean. However, each and every one of the nine subsequent fat-kid-and-janitor pairs in the talent show managed to elicit the same reaction from the crowd by singing the same exact Randy Newman song, and it remains unclear how the judges will ever choose a winner from such a wide array of talent.

Amazing. It really seems like every single one of these fat-kid-and-janitor duos truly deserves to win.

At this point, it feels impossible to determine whether the fat kid and janitor who sang “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” a capella while dancing deserve the grand prize any more than the double act where the fat kid sang “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” in a gorgeous tenor while his janitor pal accompanied him on the electric guitar. Even when one of the fat kids wiped out immediately after taking the stage and it seemed like his routine wouldn’t be on par with the others, it turned out that the duo had planned a hilariously choreographed slapstick performance in which they’d fall down and pretend to bop one another with mops while singing the song.


It really is a tough call. The judges have been deliberating for the past 30 minutes, but since all 10 of the fat kid–janitor renditions of “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” were equally beautiful and moving, the talent show champion could still be anyone.

Damn. Thank God the one girl who played the violin was really terrible and clearly a last-place finisher, otherwise this decision would have been even harder for the judges. Here’s hoping they figure out a way to split the grand prize trophy 10 different ways, or else they may be deliberating all night!


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