After I Eradicate Malaria, I Would Like To Try A Threesome

Malaria is a devastating illness that causes immense suffering to millions of people around the world. That’s why malaria eradication is one of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation’s foremost humanitarian goals and my number-one personal priority at the moment. For now, I am entirely focused on wiping out this horrific diseasebut after malaria is defeated, I would like to try a threesome.

Bringing a third partner into the sexual relationship I have with my wonderful wife Melinda is a subject I’m keenly interested in, and it’s the main objective I plan on working towards once malaria is no more.

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Every year, 219 million people contract malaria, and 435,000 die from the illness. Meanwhile, my sex lifewhile quite healthycould use an exotic experience to spice it up. The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation uses grants to fund malaria prevention and treatment worldwidea mission which I hope will help rid the world of malaria permanently, thus freeing me up to finally post an ad on Craigslist seeking a “Friend With Benefits To Play With Married Older Couple.”

Fortunately, there is reason to be optimistic that I will enjoy a threesome soon. Malaria cases are down 25% globally, and fatalities have dropped by 42%, a milestone achievement that thrills me even more than the idea of a third person, perhaps dressed as a sexy police officer, gently whipping my wife and I with a riding crop and ordering us to perform oral sex on them. In addition to paying for proven preventative measures like mosquito nets, we are also funding promising research in transmission-blocking vaccines that could stop the spread of malaria entirely and make the dream of a malaria-free world and my mind-blowing threesome a reality as soon as 2040.

Although there is no guarantee my wife and I will enjoy the threesome, we believe it is worthwhile to try it and see if it’s for us. That is why I’m calling on political leaders to support anti-malaria efforts and help us achieve zero infections worldwide. Then, on that momentous day, I will celebrate the end of malaria by striking a threesome off my sexual bucket list.

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