Better get out the heart glue, because this is going to break your heart: There’s not a single outfit this man can pull off.
Oof. Some men are just trying too hard to pull off a look that doesn’t work for them, but this one…this one can’t pull off any of them.
Forty-two-year-old Subaru salesman Lyonel Brinks has tried the concert t-shirt and ripped jeans look.
He’s tried the buttoned-up casual polo shirt and khakis look.
He’s tried a leather jacket.
He’s tried a sports jersey and sweatpants.
But every single last outfit, whether it’s something simple and timeless or something bold and cutting edge, leaves him looking like a child wearing an unidentifiable Halloween costume.
Tailored, oversized, vintage-inspired, hat, no-hat, no matter what, Lionel looks like he’s trying too hard, uncomfortable, and somehow “kidding” with what he wears, as if it’s meant to me a joke. Even when he’s just wearing a pair of jeans from J.Crew and a white oxford shirt.
Dressed up, he looks like a schlubby guy who’s overdressed for dinner at Olive Garden. Dressed down, he looks like he just rolled out of bed to take a leak at 3 a.m. Clothes that fit him perfectly only serve to accentuate his odd proportions and weird neck angle, and clothes that fit him relaxed immediately make him look 70 pounds heavier.
Honestly, the look he came closest to pulling off was when he dressed up in a steampunk outfit to go to a local gaming convention, and that was only because no guys can really pull off a steampunk look so he just didn’t look any worse than the guys who can sort of pull it off.
There’s simply nothing Lionel can wear that doesn’t make everyone who looks at him feel sort of sorry for him.
To make matters worse, Lionel just booked his first tattoo appointment, and no matter what he gets, and no matter where it goes, you know that this is only going to serve to make him look even less like he’s pulling off whatever he’s wearing.
All hearts break for Lionel. This is so, so sad.
