If you thought all celebrities were out of touch with the common people, get ready to have your mind blown, because one of the most legendary rock stars in history just did something so generous that it is guaranteed to melt your heart and make you smile for the rest of your life: Trent Reznor and someone who kind of looks like Pikachu just bought really nice sponges for everyone at Erewhon!
Absolutely amazing! This just goes to show that A-list celebs are usually the kindest and most generous people in the world.
Eyewitnesses say that during an otherwise typical morning at an Erewhon market in Los Angeles, legendary rocker Trent Reznor entered the store along with a four-foot-three-inch guy whose round, neckless body, pointy ears, and rosy red cheeks made him look kind of like Pikachu. Everyone in the upscale grocery chain started cheering and posing for photos with the Nine Inch Nails frontman and his Pokémon-adjacent companion.
“The guy who looked like Pikachu kept sticking his hands in people’s pockets and whispering, ‘Let’s see what you have for me,’ and then he would take things like gum and spare change and car keys out of everyone’s pockets and put it in his fanny pack, but it was all good,” said Melanie Seleznick, one of shoppers who was at the the Erewhon when this heartwarming event went down. “Trent Reznor was so nice, and he even told everyone at Erewhon that he wanted to fuck them like an animal, just like in the song!”
Wow, it sounds like the man behind Pretty Hate Machine is actually the nicest celebrity in the universe! if you currently don’t think Trent Reznor should be the governor of a US state, you officially have no soul!
The next thing that Trent Reznor and the guy who kind of looks like Pikachu did is officially the kindest thing anyone has ever done: Trent Reznor started grabbing as many fancy sponges as he could off the shelves and purchasing them for everyone in the store. Even though they were expensive eco-friendly sponges made of plant-based materials, Reznor explained to his fellow Erewhon shoppers that he had made millions from music and that the guy who looked like Pikachu had become a billionaire because of “the pill he invented.” The guy who sort of looked like Pikachu used his tail to knock a bunch of fancy sponges into Trent Reznor’s shopping cart.
Trent Reznor kept calling his shopping cart his “pretty hate machine” and telling the people at Erewhon that he wanted to fuck them like an animal, which made everyone smile and cheer. Throughout his musical career, Trent Reznor has been spreading joy and positivity, and now he’s bringing the same spirit of happiness and human connection to the luckiest Erewhon shoppers in the world, with the help of the guy who kind of looks like Pikachu!
After purchasing $18 sponges for everyone, Trent Reznor and the guy who resembles Pikachu held hands at the front of the store as all the shoppers applauded for them. Trent Reznor told everyone one last time that he wanted to fuck them like an animal, and then the guy who kind of looks like Pikachu took out a revolver and shot six bullets into the ceiling. Then the two big-hearted celebrities left to spread their kindness far and wide.
This is officially the most heartwarming story that has ever been told to human beings! It’s so awesome that even people who have achieved so much and been so successful take time out of their day to give back to the Erewhon shoppers who make goth and industrial music possible. If more celebrities acted like Trent Reznor and the guy who kind of looks like Pikachu and bought fancy sponges for people, the world would be a perfect place with no suffering.
