Taking Responsibility: Mark Zuckerberg Has Announced That Any Articles Posted On Facebook Will Now Go Through Strict Vetting To Make Sure They Align With The Company’s Tireless Commitment To Generating Massive Amounts Of Revenue

Mark Zuckerberg faced enormous public backlash this week after he defended Holocaust deniers’ right to disseminate their views on Facebook, but this morning he stepped up to allay Facebook users’ concerns in a big way: Zuckerberg announced that from now on, Facebook will rigorously vet the articles posted on its site…

Another Failure: Facebook Is Scrambling To Beef Up Security After Discovering Millions Of Users Who Falsely Listed Their Education As ‘School Of Hard Knocks’

Facebook has had a terrible year, and it looks like things are only getting worse. The social media behemoth just announced that it’s scrambling to beef up security after discovering millions of users who have falsely listed their education as “School of Hard Knocks,” a university that does not seem to exist in any…

Goodbye Tinder: Facebook’s New Dating App Finally Allows You To Romantically Connect With Your Dad’s Friend Who Likes All Your Posts Even Though You’ve Never Met Him

Online dating can be a serious headache, and it’s more likely you’ll find yourself stuck in an endless cycle of dead-end first dates than in a compatible match. But if you’re experiencing dating app fatigue, don’t lose hope of finding that special someone just yet, because Facebook just announced a brand-new dating…

Clearing His Name: Congress Has Exonerated Mark Zuckerberg Of All Wrongdoing After He Revealed That The Winklevoss Twins Were The Ones Who Really Invented Facebook

It might have seemed like Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg was in serious trouble over his company’s recent data-related scandals, but at his congressional hearings he made an astonishing confession that could clear his name and totally change the conversation: Congress has exonerated Mark Zuckerberg of all wrongdoing…

Public Interrogation: Every Senator Is Angrily Grilling Mark Zuckerberg On Why ClickHole’s Articles Aren’t Getting Shared As Widely On Facebook After It Changed Its Algorithms

It’s just a few minutes into Mark Zuckerberg’s testimony before the Senate Judiciary and Commerce Committees, but it’s already looking like the Facebook founder isn’t going to be getting off easy: Every senator in attendance is angrily grilling Mark Zuckerberg on why ClickHole’s articles aren’t getting shared as…

UPDATE: Every Facebook User Who Clicked The New ‘Protect My Data’ Button That Does Nothing But Feels Good To Press Has Had Their Data Stolen By Cambridge Analytica

On March 19, we reported about the new “Protect My Data” button Facebook added to its social media platform that does absolutely nothing, but feels good to click. We now have an upsetting update to that story: Every user who clicked on the completely ineffectual “Protect My Data” button has had their data stolen by…

Game Changer: Mark Zuckerberg Will Now Respond To You In Facebook Messenger If Your Friend Doesn’t Get Back To You Quickly Enough

For Facebook users, there are few feelings worse than sending someone a message only to wait in endless suspense without them ever getting back to you. Thankfully, Facebook is constantly working to improve its user experience, and the company has just announced a new update that will hopefully put an end to the…

We Never Intended Facebook Live To Be Anything But A Platform For Streaming Legally Performed Euthanasia (by Mark Zuckerberg)

We here at Facebook are shocked and dismayed by the surge in violent crimes being broadcast on our Facebook Live streaming service. In designing this live video tool, our hope was to connect people with their followers in a creative, engaging way—not expose our users to horrifying murders. If this service has caused…

7 Pictures Of Strong, Gorgeous Zuckerberg That Strong, Gorgeous Zuckerberg Will Maybe Promote On Facebook For Traffic, Yes?

Here he is. Our most beautiful and glimmering Zuckerberg. His wild, gorgeous body is remarkable. He is so nice and strong, and maybe he will want to promote these beautiful pictures of himself on his website Facebook so they get plenty of traffic, yes? We can only hope that the most gorgeous Zuckerberg will place this…