Olympic Triumph: Fat Jared Fogle And Thin Jared Fogle Just Won The Gold Medal For Pairs Figure Skating With A Gorgeous Program That Left The Judges In Tears

This year’s Olympics have given us a fair share of incredible triumphs and breathtaking moments, but today saw what will surely go down as this year’s greatest Olympic triumph: Fat Jared Fogle and thin Jared Fogle won the gold medal in pairs figure skating with an absolutely gorgeous program that brought the judges to…

Shots Fired: Quiznos Has Hired Subway’s Jared Fogle For A New Ad Campaign Claiming That Quiznos Sandwiches Cured His Pedophilia

Two titans of the fast-food industry started taking some high-profile shots at each other this week, and honestly, we can’t look away. In a seriously epic move that has sent shockwaves through the marketing world, Quiznos has hired former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle for a new ad campaign claiming that Quiznos…

If Donald Trump Pardons Me, I Would Be Honored To Serve As Secretary Of Agriculture

One year ago, I was arrested for both statutory rape and possessing child pornography, and I deeply regret my disgusting crimes. Since that fateful day, I’ve been serving a 16-year jail sentence, using every second of that time to reflect on, and repent for, what I have done. I’ve truly learned a lot about myself as a…

Making Amends: Jared Fogle Is Atoning For His Crimes By Mailing Letters To Children Telling Them He Never Wants To See Them Naked

Sounds like the criminal justice system has taught Jared Fogle a serious lesson. After being found guilty of possessing child pornography and soliciting sex from minors last year, the former Subway spokesman is really making amends in a positive way: He’s writing letters to children to let them know that he never…