No Big News For Bagels: The Bagel Industry Just Issued Its Daily 600-Page Report On The State Of The Bagel Industry And Nothing Major Has Changed Since Yesterday

Bagel fans can take it easy today, because the bagel industry just issued its daily 600-page report on the state of bagels, and nothing big has changed since yesterday. The phonebook-sized volume, which is published every day in 76 countries around the world in 254 languages, reported this morning that pretty much…

Pope Francis Is Aggressively Campaigning On Twitter For ‘Holy Eucharist’ To Win Lay’s New Flavor Contest

Since his confirmation in 2013, Pope Francis has proven himself to be a trailblazing and progressive leader unafraid to take the Catholic Church into brave new territory, and it looks like he’s done it again. Pope Francis is aggressively campaigning on Twitter for “Holy Eucharist” to win Lay’s new flavor contest.

This List Of Kids Holding Up Signs Saying That StarKist Tuna Gives Them The Energy They Need To Bully Their Classmates Will Only Come Down If StarKist Pays Us $90 Million

Listen up, StarKist, things in the digital media industry have become pretty dire, and unfortunately ClickHole needs to resort to desperate measures to stay afloat. We hate to do this to you, but we’ve got a whole bunch of pictures of kids claiming that your canned tuna gives them the energy they need to bully their…

ATTACK ON FREEDOM: HATE-MONGERING HILLARYITES Just Shooed Stephen Miller Away From The Bird Feeder Where He Was PEACEFULLY ENJOYING BREAKFAST

Patriots, our liberty is being threatened by DISRESPECTFUL DEMS. Stephen Miller was CALMLY eating his breakfast of seeds and cracked corn out of a PUBLIC bird feeder this morning when RUDE liberals with NO MANNERS approached him and drove him away with a broom. Make no mistake, patriots: This is a slippery slope. We…

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