Clear Collusion: Upon Meeting, Trump And Putin Immediately Launched Into A 5-Minute Handshake And Chant That Made It Pretty Obvious They Went To The Same Fat Camp Last Year

In light of Russia’s interference in the 2016 presidential election, President Trump has taken no shortage of flack for his relationship with Vladimir Putin. Now, as the world watches both leaders at their summit in Helsinki, the Russian and U.S. presidents are only exacerbating claims of collusion: Upon meeting,…

Preparing For Change: This Woman Is Scrambling To Experience As Much Human Dignity As Possible Before The Trump Administration Takes Power

The results of the 2016 election have left many women frightened for their futures in this country, but 29-year-old Vanessa Carp realizes that times of great upheaval call for decisive action: After realizing how dire the coming years could be for her, this quick-thinking young woman is scrambling to experience as…

Election Night Disaster: John King Tapped His Electoral College Map Too Hard And Fell Headfirst Into A Digital Hellscape

With millions of eyes watching CNN for election results tonight, the network really couldn’t afford any high-profile screwups. But unfortunately, that’s exactly what they got when John King tapped his touchscreen electoral map too hard and plunged himself straight into a digital hellscape from which there seems to be…

Democracy Win: Volunteers Across The Country Are Oiling Up The Sidewalks To Help Voters Slide Uncontrollably To Their Polling Place

Despite the fact that voting is the cornerstone of our democracy, only 60 percent of eligible voters turn out in a presidential election. But this year we may see that number spike, because groups of incredible volunteers are doing everything they can to get out the vote: They’re hitting the road and oiling up the…

Hope For The GOP: A Nude Paul Ryan Has Just Emerged From An Ayahuasca Tent With Visions Of A New Republican Party

Since Donald Trump entered the election over a year ago, he has single-handedly destroyed the GOP, leaving both the House and the Senate in utter disarray. But although many political strategists believe permanent damage has been done, conservatives shouldn’t lose hope yet, because Speaker of the House Paul Ryan has…

Great News For Ketchup: Political Scientists Say That The Outcome Of The Presidential Election Will In No Way Affect Ketchup

With Election Day fast approaching, citizens everywhere are bracing themselves for an uncertain future. Fortunately, no matter what happens, there’s at least one truth that voters from both sides can hang their hats on: Political scientists have confirmed that the outcome of the presidential election will in no way…

Overconfidence? Hillary Clinton Has Already Started Hurling Trash Bags Full Of Her Clothes Over The White House Fence

National polls show Hillary Clinton with a commanding lead over Donald Trump that only seems to be getting bigger with each passing day. It’s clear that the Democratic nominee has bought into this polling data, because even though there are two weeks to go until the election, Hillary Clinton has started hurling trash…

Trump’s Campaign Eerily Reminds Me Of Hitler’s Rise To Power, Which Eerily Reminds Me Of My Wonderful Trip To Berlin In 2004

This election cycle has given me an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. Looking closely at Donald Trump’s presidential campaign, I find it to be eerily reminiscent of the chain of events that brought Adolf Hitler to power in the 1930s, and these in turn I find to be eerily reminiscent of the amazing 10-day vacation I took…