Calling All Resistance Members! Roe V. Wade Is In DANGER! We Need YOU To Yell At JILL STEIN About The 2016 Election!

ATTENTION ALL RESISTANCE MEMBERS: With Justice Anthony Kennedy’s retirement looming, we now face the very real threat of Roe v. Wade being overturned by a conservative Supreme Court full of Trump nominees. The court will soon have the potential to completely demolish women’s rights, LGBTQ rights, and civil rights, so…

Connecting With The Heartland: The DNC Has Paid A Manhattan Consulting Firm $20 Million To Show It A Picture Of A Guy On A Tractor

With the 2018 midterm elections fast approaching, the Democratic Party is making efforts to fix its past mistakes and better understand rural voters. As such, the Democratic National Committee has started sinking some serious cash into researching the American heartland: According to reports, the DNC just paid a…

I Hope You DISGUSTING DEMS Are Happy, Because Now A KNOWN SEX PERVERT Has A BUNCH MORE Free Time On His Hands

Just when I thought you Dumb-o-crats couldn’t get any dumber, you’ve somehow managed to find a way to take your stupidity to a whole new freakin’ level. After weeks of phone-banking and throwing political hissy fits on Facebook, you snowflake shitstains miraculously succeeded in getting radical leftist Doug Jones…

Reaching Across The Aisle: Democrats And Republicans Have Gerrymandered Around A Single Citizen Neither Party Wants

It’s no secret that America’s political system is wrought with subversion on both sides of the aisle, but every now and then, a ray of light shines through. In a rare and heartening example of bipartisanship, democrats and republicans in Virginia have set aside their differences to gerrymander around a single citizen…

Back To The Drawing Board: DNC Scientists Just Carried A Screaming Jon Ossoff Down A Hallway Lined With Jon Ossoff Prototypes

After pouring millions of dollars into Jon Ossoff’s failed campaign for a Georgia congressional seat, the Democratic Party is reeling. Many are viewing the loss as a major blow to the disjointed party, and the sentiment is not lost on the DNC: In the wake of the devastating election defeat, DNC-funded scientists just…

Visionary: Jared Kushner Has Announced Plans To Heal A Divided America With A Blockbuster Comedy He’s Writing Called ‘Boss-In-Law’

With the political climate only growing nastier and more divisive by the day, America desperately needs something to rally behind, and it looks like Jared Kushner is finally stepping up to the plate. Donald Trump’s son-in-law and senior advisor announced this morning that he plans to bring the country together as one…

I’m So Confident That The Phony Liberal Media Won’t Publish This Pro-Life Article That I’m Using It To Store All My Embarrassing Photos Of Me Bathing In Hog Slop

You can’t go to any website or watch any TV show without being bombarded by pro-choice propaganda. Flip on any news program, and it’s obvious that the effort the mainstream media is putting into hocking the right-to-choose rhetoric is outmatched only by its determination to suppress any semblance of a counterargument.…

Smart Call: Ruth Bader Ginsburg Has Been Dead On The Supreme Court Bench For 3 Months, But Democrats Are Febrezing Her Every Day In Hopes That No One Notices

If there’s anything this wild year in Washington has shown us, it’s that the traditional rules of politics no longer apply. After months of Republicans defying all the usual conventions of bureaucracy to win unprecedented power in government, it looks like the Democrats are finally responding in kind. According to…

Sorry Bernie Bros, Your Candidate Just Doesn’t Have The Foreign Policy Experience Necessary To Prop Up A Pro-Western Dictatorship

All election long, I’ve seen post after post from rabid “Bernie Bros” ecstatically trumpeting the enlightened policies of Senator Bernie Sanders. You can find them in every corner of the internet spewing impassioned diatribes against anybody who dares criticize their presidential candidate. Well, I’m sorry, Bernie…