The Inventory

Because All Content Deserves To Go Viral.

Excuse Me, I’m A Little Shy...But...May I Have Blue Cheese Dressing?

5/21/19 10:30AM

When My Ship Was Marooned At Sea, We Resorted To Cannibalism Even Though We Still Had Plenty Of Cap’n Crunch Cereal We Could Have Eaten Instead

5/08/19 10:00AM

I Would Never Let My Daughter Enter A Beauty Pageant, Because There’s No Way In Hell She’d Win

4/10/18 12:09PM

My Sons Taught Themselves To Be Feminists Without My Help, What The Fuck

If You’re Not A Police Officer, You Can’t Understand The Pressure You Feel In The Split Second When You Have To Decide Whether Or Not To Shoot An Unarmed Civilian 8 Times

4/06/18 11:50AM

If People Deleting Facebook Want To Be A Part Of A Social Network, They’re Welcome To Come Connect With Friends Among The Piles Of Belts At Marshalls (by the CEO of Marshalls)

Every Parent Wants To See Their Child Do Well, But I’d Be Lying If I Didn’t Admit That Watching My Loser Son Fail At Everything He Tries Has Been Pretty Entertaining

3/26/18 12:42PM

Men, Stop Telling Women To Calm Down And Swim Perpendicular To The Riptide

3/21/18 11:22AM

Toys ‘R’ Us Is Going Out Of Business Because America Wasn’t Ready To Accept A Celibate Giraffe Mascot

3/19/18 10:40AM

I Did Everything I Could To Buy ClickHole, But Their Editorial Integrity Won Out Over My Billion-Dollar Offers, And I Respect Them Even More For That (By Elon Musk)

We Need To Talk About Paying College Athletes For A Couple Seconds So Our Consciences Can Rest Easy And We Can Enjoy March Madness

3/14/18 12:04PM

Branded Content

Platinum Collection

Branded Content

Platinum Collection

‘The Hunger Games’ Gets So Much Wrong About How Forcing People To Fight To The Death For The Enjoyment Of Wealthy Elites Really Works

3/05/18 12:49PM

As Hard As It Can Be To Remember, There Are Some Things In Life That Are Just More Important Than Rats

2/28/18 11:46AM

Every Night I Lie Awake, Worrying About The Possibility Of Coinstar Technology Falling Into The Wrong Hands (By Jens Molbak, Founder Of Coinstar)

2/20/18 11:11AM

Ram’s Use Of Martin Luther King In A Truck Commercial Is Proof Of Just How Low Corporations Will Stoop To Get Americans Into The Best-In-Class Trucks They Deserve

You Never Fully Understand What It’s Like To Have A Child With Autism Until You See One At The Park And Then Speculate About It With Your Spouse Later That Night

1/25/18 11:25AM

The Problem With ‘The Flash’: Why Doesn’t Flash Have Bugs Splattered On His Face After Every Time He Runs Really Fast?

1/23/18 10:40AM

If We Don’t Protect Endangered Species, Our Kids Will Inherit A World Where A Silverback Gorilla Riding A White Rhino Into Battle Against A Polar Bear Using A Galápagos Tortoise As A Shield Is Not Possible

My Solemn Promise To You Is That Whether Or Not Net Neutrality Is Repealed, The Website AlRoker.com Will Remain An Absolute Nightmare To Use

12/13/17 4:15PM

Banning Athletes Who Abuse Performance Enhancers Will Finally Create A Level Playing Field For The All-Night Olympic Village Fuckathons

12/06/17 6:55PM

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