Ohhhh fuck. Some serious shit is about to go DOWN.

With tensions across the globe seemingly coming to a head, it’s starting to feel like a major conflict between countries could break out at any moment. Terrifyingly, the odds of some crazy shit happening in the world just got exponentially higher, because Belgium has declared war on anyone who wants to fucking go right now.

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Holy balls. Other nations might want to stay the fuck out of Belgium’s way until they get this shit out of their system.

Belgium has mobilized its entire military and they are patrolling the land, air, and sea looking for any smart-ass country that wants to mouth off to them and get bombed off the face of the Earth. Belgian submarines are rudely bumping into Russian battleships and Chinese aircraft carriers in an attempt to start shit with them, and battalions of Belgian soldiers are currently running amok along the country’s border, spitting and throwing empty beer cans into Germany and Luxembourg.

Damn! Sounds like Belgium is really fucking ready for some international conflict!

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Delivering a speech this morning in front of a giant flag with the words “We have declared war on fucking all of you” written in 30 languages, the Belgian minister of defence stripped off his shirt and threw it to the ground, shouting, “Belgium is formally declaring war on any little bitch who wants to go. Anyone got the stones to step up and fuck with our shit? Indonesia? Australia? The fucking United States? That’s right, we’ll take on a nuclear-armed nation, we don’t give a fuck. We’re fucking crazy.”

When asked to clarify the remarks of the Minister of Defence, Belgium’s prime minister Charles Michel stated, “We’ll take on all of fucking NATO at the same time, you pussies. Land, air, sea, fucking outer space. Anywhere you want to die, Belgium will fight you. We’ll attack your civilians. We’ll bomb your schools and hospitals. We aren’t afraid to use child soldiers. We aren’t afraid to violate the Geneva convention. Belgium is prepared—hell—Belgium is excited to commit war crimes. First country to open their fat mouth and talk shit wins themselves a war. Who’s it going to be?”

Yikes. It’s pretty obvious Belgium’s not fucking around.

So far, no countries have taken Belgium up on their offer for a devastating, apocalyptic war, but Belgium has continued to antagonize the world community by declaring themselves state sponsors of terror and announcing that they’re using every resource available to weaponize plutonium and develop new chemical weapons that “make Anthrax look like baby powder.”

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Yep, sounds like it’s best to steer clear of Belgium for the time being, because it’s pretty obvious they’re eager to scrap here. Here’s hoping the international community can keep their cool and avoid starting anything serious until Belgium finally calms down!