Excuse me, sir? If we could have but a moment of your time! Forgive our boldness, might we interest you in a miraculous enlargement of the penis?

Yes, my good man, you heard that correct! We possess the secret knowledge to magically grow any penis under the sun, and that includes yours, my good fellow!

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There is an astounding new method, devised by the finest scientific minds of our age, that can expand your manhood until it is as swollen and girthy as the mighty anaconda serpent! When you drop your trousers, your dangling male member will unfurl toward the floor like a rapidly printing stock ticker announcing the latest financial news from Wall Street! Awestruck witnesses who behold your titanic genital will remark, “Move aside Pyramid of Giza, because now there’s an eighth Wonder of the World and it’s that man’s colossal phallus!” All thanks to our state-of-the-art method that we will divulge to you here and now for a nominal fee!

Mister, your current problem of having a penis that is either small or normal will soon be a thing of the past, once your groin is sprouting a rod of flesh the width of a mighty redwood tree!

After you ingest our patented elixir of Authentic Vitamins™, your penile skin will be taut as a drum and struggling to contain your exponentially larger pecker, or your money back! One sip of our ambrosia every day for years will eventually produce results so dramatic that automobile drivers will crash their cars whilst craning their necks to ogle the mind-boggling bulge in your trousers!

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So my friend, what’ll it be? A penis fatter than a Christmas hog could be yours, if you make the wise decision to spend a small pittance of your weekly salary and thereby engorge your johnson to staggering new dimensions by harnessing The Power Of Nutrients™. Or, heaven forbid, you could leave your non-gargantuan cock to wallow in obscurity, like a beautiful orchid wilting in a darkened room.

My good chap, you mustn’t delay another moment! Tell us how you wish to transfer the necessary funds for our astonishing Penis Magnification Serum and we shall complete the transaction posthaste! Please make the right choice, sir. The fate of your penis is in your hands.