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Olivia Wilde is drop-dead gorgeous. Me? I freaking wish…


This is Olivia Wilde. And she’s really, really pretty.

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People look at her like:

Illustration for article titled Olivia Wilde Is Pretty. Prettier Than Me :( em/em

But people look at me like:

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She was PETA’s Sexiest Vegetarian in 2010. I’ve never won an award for being a sexy vegetarian. I’ve never even been nominated for one.

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Ughhhhhhhhhh :(

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Olivia has everything: An incredible career, amazing looks, and two lovely kids.

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Meanwhile, all I have is a 2009 Mazda Miata, a timeshare in New Orleans, and a degree in hospitality, but you know what? I’d trade it all in to be more like her.

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I mean, she’s even stunning as a Tron! If I were a Tron, I would be the kind of Tron that gets killed for being ugly.

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And her BF is the Sudeikis. THE SUDEIKIS. 

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I wish my BF was the Sudeikis, but instead my BF is Franklin. :(

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Franklin has $900 in parking tickets. I don’t think I even need to tell you that the Sudeikis doesn’t have $900 in parking tickets. He has probably almost none. The Sudeikis is a parking lot angel and Olivia Wilde gets to be his GF!

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But as for me? I’ll never have the Sudeikis...no. I’ll just never be as pretty as Olivia Wilde…and so my life...is a waste of time...

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