Olivia Wilde is drop-dead gorgeous. Me? I freaking wish…
This is Olivia Wilde. And she’s really, really pretty.
People look at her like:
But people look at me like:
She was PETA’s Sexiest Vegetarian in 2010. I’ve never won an award for being a sexy vegetarian. I’ve never even been nominated for one.
Olivia has everything: An incredible career, amazing looks, and two lovely kids.
Meanwhile, all I have is a 2009 Mazda Miata, a timeshare in New Orleans, and a degree in hospitality, but you know what? I’d trade it all in to be more like her.
I mean, she’s even stunning as a Tron! If I were a Tron, I would be the kind of Tron that gets killed for being ugly.
And her BF is the Sudeikis. THE SUDEIKIS.
I wish my BF was the Sudeikis, but instead my BF is Franklin. :(
Franklin has $900 in parking tickets. I don’t think I even need to tell you that the Sudeikis doesn’t have $900 in parking tickets. He has probably almost none. The Sudeikis is a parking lot angel and Olivia Wilde gets to be his GF!
But as for me? I’ll never have the Sudeikis...no. I’ll just never be as pretty as Olivia Wilde…and so my life...is a waste of time...