Every now and then in life, the stars align in just the right way for remarkable things to happen, and here’s an amazing example of just that: The recent backlash against the wellness industry has coincided perfectly with this man’s commitment to not making any meaningful changes in his life.
Hell yeah! For a lazy sack of shit like this guy, this absolutely could not have worked out better.
Over the past year, 28-year-old software engineer Nick Melton has intermittently flirted with the idea of taking on new healthy habits like practicing yoga and eating more plant-based meals, but there’s never been enough motivation for him to abandon his tried-and-true lifestyle of playing lots of video games and eating whatever the hell he wants. But luckily for Nick, he chose to double down on his sedentary lifestyle right at a time when there’s a growing resistance toward the wellness industry, with more and more news stories appearing each day about how weight loss isn’t actually that important for your health, how many vitamin supplements are actually snake oil, and how popular trends like juice cleanses are mostly just profit-driven scams that do more harm to consumers than good. So now when Nick deletes all the emails he gets from Headspace urging him to buy a monthly subscription, he can rest easy knowing that even though he really just doesn’t want to put forth the effort to meditate, to everyone else it looks like he’s simply heeding the latest recommendations of wellness experts.
Indeed, making absolutely zero effort to look after his health is really paying dividends for Nick. His reluctance to get into CrossFit now has him looking much smarter than his more fitness-inclined peers thanks to new studies that link the exercise program to heightened risk of long-term injury. And following a New York Times article questioning the benefits of using a standing desk, Nick’s choice to spend eight hours a day sitting in his computer chair now seems like an intentional and well-informed health decision, even though in reality he could not give less of a shit about taking care of his body.
Wow. Seems like it’s a truly fortuitous time to be a lazy oaf with no regard for personal well-being. Sometimes the universe throws you a bone, and it’s certainly done so for Nick. Here’s to happy coincidences!