For 37 years, I have been the host of Wheel Of Fortune. In that time I have always done everything in my power to make Wheel Of Fortune the best game show on television. But now, after all these years of loyal service, it’s time that old Pat Sajak did something just for himself: I want to start standing on top of the Wheel of Fortune.
It’s a simple request, and after nearly four decades dutifully hosting Wheel Of Fortune, I think I’ve earned it.
To anyone worried that I want to change the format of Wheel Of Fortune, let me reassure you that I want the show to remain the same as always, only now when Vanna White and I walk arm in arm out onto the stage at the top of each episode, she’d go stand in front of the answer board and I would climb on top of the gleaming, colorful Wheel of Fortune. Imagine how wonderful it would be: Contestants would still play the game the same as always, but now they and the studio audience alike would ooh and ah in wonder as they watch me twirl majestically with each spin of the wheel.
For so long I have stood down on the floor with the contestants, like some common pauper. Now it’s time for me to take my rightful place above, standing gloriously up on the wheel.
There are some who would say that I would not be able to host Wheel Of Fortune as effectively if I was standing on top of the wheel. They would say that if I were to stand astride the shimmering wheel, I would be too far from the contestants to hold my microphone up to their faces so they can speak. These people are fools. If I started hosting the game show from on top of the Wheel of Fortune, I would simply hold an extra-long microphone that I would point downward to interview the contestants.
I could even point my long microphone at Vanna White to show everybody where Vanna White is. This is a capability I currently do not have while hosting the show from the ground. By standing on the Wheel of Fortune, I will be a better host than ever before. This is my promise.
There are also naysayers, snakes and cowards all, who might dare to claim that standing on the Wheel of Fortune will be too difficult, but to them I say that I have already stood on the Wheel of Fortune many times and met with great success. Each night, when the show has finished taping, the studio lights have been shut off, and the crew has gone home, I step up onto the Wheel of Fortune and dream of the day I can finally do it in front of the world. I have spent countless nights alone on the wheel, practicing my balance and shrieking with joy.
I can’t wait for America to see what I can do on top of the Wheel of Fortune.
I understand that standing on the Wheel of Fortune will be more dangerous than standing down on the stage like I have done for the past 37 years, but I will be careful. Besides, no man ever made history by playing it safe. However, to put viewers at ease so they can fully enjoy seeing me spin, I will wear an athletic cup at all times while I stand up on the Wheel of Fortune to help keep me safe if I fall. I will take this precaution because I respect the danger and power of the wheel.
Wheel Of Fortune has proven itself to be one of the greatest game shows of all time, and I’m honored to be a part of it. But after all these years, it’s time for me to get what I want, and I want to stand on the Wheel of Fortune.