Illustration for article titled Heartbreaking: This Centaur Has Been Standing On A Corner In Manhattan For Hours Trying To Give Someone A Quest, But Nobody Will Even Make Eye Contact With Him

Here’s a tragic story that shows just how self-absorbed our society has become: This centaur has been standing on a corner in Manhattan for hours trying to give someone a quest, but nobody will even make eye contact with him.


Wow. This is totally heartbreaking. The modern world is in a truly sorry state.

After traveling for 40 days and 40 nights all the way from the enchanted Kingdom Opharia, the centaur stationed himself on the corner of 6th Avenue and 46th Street in New York City, where he’s spent the last several hours shouting that he must find “a mortal willing to embark on a life-changing adventure through perilous lands corrupted by dark magics to rescue Princess Dahlia from the hands of the evil giant Raemlei.” Even though he’s on a bustling city street traversed by thousands of people, not a single person has the common courtesy to make eye contact with the 8-foot-long half-horse warrior, and it’s safe to say that not a single self-absorbed New Yorker possesses the courage and cunning to outsmart the Orcs of Aire.

How disheartening! This centaur has been alive since King Islark’s reign, yet these people are content to just keep their earbuds in without hearing him explain the proper way to defeat the Serpent Queen? Just tragic.

Honestly, it’s a wonder that the centaur is still out there offering his quest at all, considering that he’s now suffered through hundreds of rejections from people more interested in looking at whatever’s on their phone than at the centaur who could give them the map that’ll show them how to traverse the Hills of Baddetan without suffering a grisly death in the Kronokoe Ravine. Though he’s still shouting about how he cannot complete the quest himself—it must be a mortal as the ancient prophecy foretold—it’s not looking like he’s any closer to finding someone who can find time in their oh-so-busy schedules to become the savior of the kingdom and the Opharian people.


Jeez. New Yorkers aren’t known for their manners, but don’t these people realize that if no one listens to the centaur, Princess Dahlia is going to die and Opharia will be overrun by Raemeli and his cursed brood forevermore?

This speaks volumes about the world we live in. Hopefully, someone will be willing to step out of their own little world and listen to the centaur soon, because at this point, no one would even blame this noble creature if he packed his things and began his 40-night journey back to his cavern on Mt. Welmse.


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