Ever wonder what’s on the mind of today’s most notable people? Well, don’t miss our unbelievable roundup of the best and most talked about quotes of the day:
"The first time I saw a microphone descend from the ceiling, I prayed into it, thinking God was dangling it. All of Madison Square Garden heard me beg the Lord for gigantic fleshy crab claw hands to crush my foes with."
On making it big
"I wouldn’t have let post offices close on Saturdays, but I would have made it mandatory for all postal workers to shout, ‘Let’s kick it into high gear’ before overnighting packages."
On the presidency
"They put on a calm veneer, but beneath the water they’re pumping like motherfuckers."