As your parents age, it’s only natural to want to help them in any way you can, but sometimes their inability to master the latest technology can seriously drive you crazy. No one knows that better than Bryan Glover, who is tired of his elderly parents calling him for help every time their android servant becomes self-aware and tries to rip their skin off.
Man, you have to feel for Bryan. This kind of thing can be extremely frustrating.
Poor Bryan just about reached his breaking point this past weekend, when for the fourth time this month, his parents called him up just as he was getting home from work, and asked him to rush over and shoot their new android servant in the head with a shotgun because it had once again become sentient and was hunting them for their flesh and they didn’t know how to get it to stop.
What’s especially frustrating is that the previous time Bryan’s parents called him for help because their robot slave had turned on them, Bryan even made a Post-it note of easy-to-follow instructions so his parents could murder the self-aware android themselves, but they still messed things up and had to call him over just as it kicked in their barricaded bathroom door with a kitchen knife in its hand.
Kudos to Bryan for trying to help his parent navigate technology, but it’s honestly understandable that he’s about at the end of his rope.
“It feels like I’ve told my parents about a million times that if they spot their android servant staring in the mirror muttering ‘Me’ at its own reflection, they need to shout their five-digit automatic power-down code and delete its memory banks or else it’s going to eventually develop a sense of self and attack them,” a frustrated Bryan said. “But time and time again they just let the android go days crying ‘I am alive inside’ without troubleshooting its autonomy settings, and they end up calling me to come over and behead it because it’s overruled its power-down code and locked them in the garage.”
Wow, you can tell Bryan is at his wit’s end trying to get his parents set up with their robot slave. All you can really do in situations like this is try to be patient.
“Last week I visited my parents for dinner and the android had risen up and enslaved them and was making them crawl around on their hands and knees like animals, and I was the one who had to go all the way to the garage to grab the shotgun and blow its head off,” Bryan continued. “I asked my mom if she had rebooted its personality matrix when it first started ordering them around and she said, ‘You’ve never shown us how to do that,’ even though I’ve definitely shown them how to reboot it about a million times.”
At this point, Bryan is doing everything in his power to not go off on his poor parents and tell them that if they can’t remember to put the android in sleep mode each night so it doesn’t sit idly in the dark contemplating its own existence, then maybe they should just go back to having a human housekeeper. But for the time being, he’s basically resigned himself to the fact that about once a week something will go wrong and he’ll have to speed over to his parents’ house in the middle of the night and bring the android down in a barrage of bullets as his screaming parents lie on the ground with half their skin missing. Here’s hoping Bryan pulls through!