If you’re a KISS fan, you’ll want to stop your scrolling right now and take a look at this, because the band just made a major clarification on a potentially confusing situation: KISS has announced that all of their sex songs are about having sex with human women even though the band members are all dressed up as demons and aliens and a cat.
Wow. Looks like the band really wants to get everyone on the same page about precisely which species they’ve been horny for this whole time.
From “Love Gun,” to “Calling Dr. Love” to “Rock And Roll All Nite,” KISS has long been pumping out tunes almost exclusively about how badly they want to have sex and how much they enjoy it when it does happen, but it looks like the group is only just realizing that, since none of them are dressed as regular humans, there could be some confusion among listeners about what kind of weird creatures they’ve been pining for.
In an effort to clear up the possible miscommunication, KISS released a statement on their website earlier today explaining that no matter how complicated it might be once you get into the nitty-gritty, every single one of their sexual songs is about the bandmates’ normal, healthy desire to have sex with human women, not aliens or the devil or anything like that.
“After four decades of rockin’ and rollin’, we just want KISS Nation to know that, every step of the way, we’ve been making songs about having sex with regular women from Earth,” the statement read. “While we completely understand that if you’ve mistakenly figured that KISS yearns for creatures that look like KISS this whole time, the four of us believe it crucial to explain that we would never have sex with anything whose face was patterned in black-and-white, imprinted with stars or silver, or basically looked like anything other than your run-of-the-mill woman in a regular shirt and pants.”
“Rest assured, if KISS ever came across a woman version of the monsters we’re dressed as, we would be as repulsed and terrified as any of you and would be more likely to kill it on sight than even consider having sex with it,” the band’s message concluded.
Welp, hopefully this sets the record straight for anyone who erroneously thought that KISS songs were all about how the band wanted to have sex with space mutants like them. Hats off to KISS for taking the time to get everyone on the same wavelength!