Pet owners, get your pitchforks out, because this latest innovation from one of the world’s foremost appliance manufacturers is guaranteed to make any animal lover’s blood boil: Whirlpool is coming out with a refrigerator with an extra-loud ice machine just to fuck with dogs.
Wow, this is a serious case of animal cruelty, and Whirlpool should be ashamed.
The new refrigerator, which Whirlpool is callously calling The Dog Whisperer, is in most ways a standard side-by-side-style fridge, except that its ice machine is engineered to grind and clunk five times louder than a typical refrigerator so that any dog in the house will think there is a Category 5 tornado outside. Whirlpool has spared no expense on its cruel new model, which also has a motion sensor on the front that sets off a blaring alarm and flashing lights any time a dog walks past it. And to top it all off, the refrigerator’s thunderous ice machine has been programmed to go off randomly throughout the night, just to keep dogs a nervous wreck.
These innovations are all part of Whirlpool’s sadistic new mission to create an appliance that freaks out dogs better than anything yet on the market.
“To ensure that our latest refrigerator fucks with dogs as much as possible, we’ve included a loudspeaker on the side that bellows ‘Ice!’ in a floor-rattling rumble and also a high-pitched squeal only dogs can hear any time someone presses the lever,” explained Whirlpool CEO Marc Bitzer. “While it doesn’t keep food any colder or have any greater storage capacity than any of our other models, its ice machine is loud enough to make every dog in the neighborhood think the world is ending,” he continued.
Simply horrifying. Needless to say, Whirlpool’s latest innovation is a major failure for animal rights. It’s time for Americans to call for a boycott of the appliance giant until it removes the extra-loud refrigerator from its product line!