After a lifetime of public service, America’s 41st commander in chief has passed on to his eternal reward. President George H.W. Bush is currently sitting in Valhalla, nervously drinking a glass of water while Vikings battle around him.

Farewell, sir! Although you may be a little out of your element, you’ve more than earned your spot amongst the brave Norse warriors joyously reveling in the afterlife with endless wine and warfare.

Advertisement

Although the 94-year-old didn’t die a heroic death in battle, apparently being a U.S. veteran and presiding over the Gulf War was enough for the former president to gain admittance to Odin’s mead hall. There Mr. Bush rests enshrined in glory, sitting hunched over at a long oaken table and trying to ignore the boisterous Viking berserkers constantly dismembering each other with battle axes and spears, only to laugh as their wounds are magically healed so they might fight anew. Valkyrie shield-maidens offered to bring Mr. Bush a drinking horn of honey-wine that he might quaff to satisfy his thirst between violent melees, but the deceased POTUS instead asked them to bring him a glass of water with one ice cube. He is now trying to remain very quiet so nobody in Valhalla pays attention to him as they slaughter each other with reckless abandon.

When not taking occasional small sips from his cup of water, Mr. Bush keeps his hand covering the top of the glass to protect his beverage from the splattering blood and viscera. He might not entirely feel at ease amongst the gory festivity, but with his anxious silence, the elder Bush is still displaying the civility and class he brought to the Oval Office.

George H.W. Bush may have only served one term as president, but he will spend thousands of years amongst the joyful, bloodthirsty Norsemen, sitting quietly with his glass of water until the end of days when the wolf Fenrir breaks free of its chain and all the warriors of Valhalla must fight alongside Odin in the final apocalyptic battle of Ragnarok. It is the highest honor a dead Viking raider could ever hope for, and it’s wonderful that George H.W. Bush is there, too. Goodbye, Mr. President! America salutes you!

Advertisement