
Disneyâs 2000 film âThe Emperorâs New Grooveâ was initially well-received by audiences and critics alike, but where previous Disney films bravely hid smutty images within their animation, the once-courageous animation studio wimped out and left âEmperorâs New Grooveâ a saccharine, sex-free disgrace. Here are five places Disney couldâve hidden some sexual imagery in âThe Emperorâs New Grooveâ if itâd had the fucking stones.
1. The engraved Incan walls couldâve had secret penises.
Disney could have easily found somewhere among the engraved Incan walls in The Emperorâs New Groove to hide the shape of a big penis, but the spineless bastards chickened out. Theyâd already hidden a penis among the palace towers on the VHS cover of The Little Mermaid, so itâs undeniable that at one point Disney had the inner strength and spiritual fortitude to rise to the occasion. Honestly, itâs sad: We were all counting on them, and they pussed out.
2. Any of the animals couldâve had genitals.
Llamas, squirrels, cows, cats, a whale. Seriously, The Emperorâs New Groove has so many animals in it that any Disney animator with the slightest fucking guts at all could have sneakily drawn some genitals onto one of them and secured their place in history. The universe was calling out to Disney to hide a brief cameo from an animalâs genitals here, and they fucking choked.
3. This starry sky couldâve spelled out a curse word.
Disney couldâve easily spelled out some glorious obscenity like âass,â âfuck,â or âtitsâ using these stars like it did in The Lion King back in its glory days. The animators would have been forever hailed as heroes, but instead they were fucking cowards, and now the sky in The Emperorâs New Groove is pure G-rated pablum and the world suffers for it. Pathetic and shameful. Disney, we spit at you, you gutless bastards.
4. This pile of stones couldâve secretly contained the shape of an ass.
The craven pieces of shit over at Disney really blew it on this one. This pile of stones was far and away the least-risky opportunity for a hidden sexual image in The Emperorâs New Groove, and even it proved too much for those wretched fucks. It would have been all too easy to draw two of these rocks so that they formed the shape of a couple of fat, round ass cheeksânot hard at all to an animator with balls, but apparently thereâs not a fucking ounce of bravery left in the entire Disney offices anymore. This latest generation has failed us, and hope is lost.
5. The water couldâve had a quick reflection of a dick or some tits.
Disney, you fucking cowards. Water appears repeatedly throughout The Emperorâs New Grooveâs 78-minute run time, and you hacks still couldnât grow a pair and throw a faint reflection of some tits or dick in the water? This is the kind of courageous sexual image we could count on you to slip into your â80s- and â90s-era films, but I guess men are no longer men and the world slips into darkness. You people were the kings once! You showed us a dick in The Little Mermaid, the word âsexâ scrawled in The Lion King, and you even snuck a womanâs tits into The Rescuers for godâs sake! But the crown was too heavy and you collapsed beneath it. Your cowardice is etched in stone and laid bare for all to see. The Emperorâs New Groove was your shot, the perfect vehicle for some hidden smut, but when the time came for you to grace the movie with some awesome genitals and swear words, you tucked your piss-stained, caitiff tails between your legs and ran. Shame on you.
In the coming decades, this film will condemn you to the trash heap of history where you belong, Disney, you bastards. Stronger animators will rise up and gives us the hidden dicks and tits we deserve, and the name âDisneyâ will be left nothing but a hush and a byword! A forgotten, wretched name. Fuck you, Disney.


