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Is Your Feud With The Local Butcher Nearing Its Conclusion?

You and your local butcher have been feuding for some time now due to a variety of interpersonal problems and miscommunications, but hopefully the situation has been somewhat ameliorated. How close are you two to burying the hatchet?

  1. 1. Things have gotten pretty bad between the two of you in the past. What analogy most accurately describes your current relationship with the butcher?
  2. 2. You recently wrote the butcher a polite letter asking him to stop nailing pig snouts to your car while you’re at work. How many pig snouts has the butcher nailed to your car since then?
  3. 3. The butcher recently extended an olive branch by hiring you to teach him to swim. How much effort do you put into his swimming lessons?
  4. 4. One of your biggest beefs with the butcher was that he had a prominently displayed poster of your body divided into beef cuts hanging over his counter. Has the butcher taken down the poster?
  5. 5. You thought maybe things between you and the butcher would cool off if you hired him to help you plan a meat-themed birthday party for your niece. How accommodating was he?
  6. 6. This whole thing started when the butcher was trapped under a pile of ribs and you didn’t do anything to help him. If the butcher was trapped under a pile of ribs screaming for help today, how would you react?
  7. 7. You’ve previously left some pretty nasty reviews of the butcher on Yelp. What was the headline of your most recent review of him?
  8. 8. Does the meat you’ve been discovering in your mailbox on a daily basis seem more like a gift or a threat?
  • Results for Is Your Feud With The Local Butcher Nearing Its Conclusion?

    You Never Had A Feud With Your Butcher

    Sorry for the confusion, it sounds like you never had a feud with your butcher in the first place. Good for you two! Way to keep your butcher-client relationship courteous and professional, the way it should be. Here’s to a lifetime of quality fresh cuts at a fair price.
  • Results for Is Your Feud With The Local Butcher Nearing Its Conclusion?

    Sounds Like Things Are On The Mend Between You And Your Butcher

    Hooray! Put on your best butcher-kissing lipstick, because it sounds like you two are about to kiss and make up. It’s time to put the years of poisoned meat and cyberbullying behind you and roll out the red carpet for a new lease on your relationship with your local butcher.
  • Results for Is Your Feud With The Local Butcher Nearing Its Conclusion?

    It’s Going To Be A While Before This Feud Is Over

    Yikes, doesn’t sound like things between you and your butcher are headed in the right direction at all. Maybe you’ll be able to work things out, but don’t hold your breath. It’s just a sad fact of life that not everyone can get along with their local butcher. Oh well.
  • Results for Is Your Feud With The Local Butcher Nearing Its Conclusion?

    This Feud Will Never End

    The rest of your life will be consumed by your feud with the local butcher. Your one purpose is his destruction, and yours his. This is your destiny. Fuck him. Fuck him to death forever.

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