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Will You Give Me And My Dumb Bats A Ride To The Airport?

I’m going to Greece, and my dumb bats are coming with. Do you think you could give all 12 of us a ride to the airport?

  1. 1. My dumb bats and I are taking a delightful six-day vacation to the island paradise of Mykonos. The tickets are purchased, the hotels are booked, and I have just one question to ask: What are your plans for this Sunday?
  2. 2. So getting down to brass tacks here, my bats are so dumb that they can’t echolocate properly. They belt out low-pitched moans that have absolutely no chance in hell of telling them where a bug might be, and in order to keep them healthy, I have to stick funnels in their mouths and just pour a bunch of dead moths down into them. My groaning bats are always ravenous, so I’d probably have to feed them a few times on the way to the airport. That cool?
  3. 3. Most bats sleep hanging upside down, but my dumb bats continually lose their footing, falling to the ground and conking their soft skulls, which are the consistency of oatmeal at this point. Would you be willing to install a custom safety net in your car just in case any of my dunder-footed bats gets drowsy on the ride to the airport and wants to take a snooze?
  4. 4. So, most of my bats don’t have a name, but there is one I call “The Hunk” because he is more svelte and shapely than the others. The Hunk hates the airport, and there’s a pretty good chance he will use his charisma and good looks to stage a revolt while in your car, violently turning the other bats against me. What would you do to help quash any rebellion my bats try to hold within your vehicle?
  5. 5. One final thing: The last time we went to the airport, things did not go as planned, and I was betrayed by the only person I thought I could trust—my Aunt Loretta. Right as we pulled up to the curb, my cunning aunt took a 3D-printed mask of my face out of her purse and put it on. Seeing a second version of myself was too much for my simple bats to handle, and they immediately devolved into a panicked, simpleminded frenzy, idiotically hurling themselves into the windows of her Nissan Sentra. My aunt capitalized on the ensuing confusion by being the first to stand up, thus establishing herself as the clear alpha version of myself in my bats’ eyes. My dumb bats accepted her without question and followed her into the airport like rats behind the Pied Piper, even as I tried in vain to convince them that I was the true me. My Aunt Loretta stole my vacation—which was also Mykonos, because it’s the only place I am aware of—and what’s more, set my bats back several years in facial recognition. Will you pull a deceit of this magnitude on me?
  • Results for Will You Give Me And My Dumb Bats A Ride To The Airport?

    You Will Give Me And My Dumb Bats A Ride To The Airport!

    You’re just a chill, laid-back person with nothing but time on your hands. I know I can trust my blockheaded bats with you, and it will be smooth sailing all the way to the international terminal. Mykonos, ho!
  • Results for Will You Give Me And My Dumb Bats A Ride To The Airport?

    You Will Give Me And My Dumb Bats A Ride To The Airport, But It Will Be Touch-And-Go All The Way.

    I can already tell that this is going to be another in a long line of ill-fated trips to the airport, but it looks like you're the best option for me and my blockheaded bats in this time frame. Mykonos, ho!
  • Results for Will You Give Me And My Dumb Bats A Ride To The Airport?

    You Will Murder Me And My Dumb Bats.

    Murder me if you must. All I ask is that you spare my shit-for-brains bats. Make sure they get on the plane to Mykonos, and my soul will be at rest.
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