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Which One Of The Kids Who I Sell Samurai Swords To Are You?

I sell samurai swords to a couple kids in my neighborhood every now and then. There’s Cronley, Ben, my neighbor’s incredibly rude daughter, and a 12-year-old boy who wears one black garbage bag over his head and only goes by the name The Shadow. Which one of the kids who I sell samurai swords to are you? Take this quiz to find out!

  1. 1. First of all, each one of the neighborhood kids who buy samurai swords from me call me by some inaccurate version of my name that’s not what my name actually is. Which messed-up version of my name do you refer to me as?
  2. 2. The kids who buy swords from me also send me text messages all the time, and it makes me wish I never became a sword salesman. It turns my life into an endless hassle where I’m always receiving texts from the kids who want to buy my ancient Japanese weapons. Which one of these texts would you most likely send me when you want to come over and buy a samurai sword?
  3. 3. The kids in the neighborhood who buy samurai swords from me all like to pay in a bunch of different ways, and none of those ways is money, which is my preferred method of payment. What fucked-up way would you pay me for the samurai swords?
  4. 4. The kids I sell samurai swords to like to play with the swords after I sell them. How would you play with your samurai sword on the street?
  5. 5. What would you say is the best part about having a samurai sword?
  6. 6. What would you say is the worst part about having a samurai sword?
  7. 7. As soon as one of these kids buys a samurai sword from me they usually go off and try to fight one of their enemies with it. Which one of these would you feel most compelled to try to fight with your samurai sword?
  8. 8. Which of these headlines would run in the local newspaper the day after I sold samurai swords to you?
  • Results for Which One Of The Kids Who I Sell Samurai Swords To Are You?

    You Are Cronley!

    You are the child named Cronley who I sometimes sell samurai swords to! Congrats, because despite using the samurai sword I sold you in incredibly dangerous ways with your friends from time to time, you are my favorite kid I sell samurai swords to by far, because you give me the least grief. While you clearly have a violent side, you just want to have a good time with your brand-new samurai sword. Nice job!
  • Results for Which One Of The Kids Who I Sell Samurai Swords To Are You?

    You Are Ben!

    You are Ben, and you mainly use your samurai sword to try to impress girls at your school. This mostly involves waving your sword around in the parking lot hoping that girls see you or mailing the girls pictures of yourself holding the samurai sword while wearing your little league uniform. Hopefully, this is just a phase for you, because it’s pretty obvious the girls don’t think your samurai sword is cool, and you’re probably starting to get on their nerves now.
  • Results for Which One Of The Kids Who I Sell Samurai Swords To Are You?

    You Are My Neighbor’s Incredibly Rude Daughter!

    You are my neighbor’s incredibly rude daughter, and honestly, you can go shove it. You think the entire world revolves around you and love harassing as many people as you possibly can, especially me, your friendly neighbor who just wants to make an honest living selling swords to children. You’ve been nothing but disrespectful to me, but I still sell you all the samurai swords you want because I’m a dedicated entrepreneur. It now makes sense why your parents are always looking tired and weak—they have raised a sword-wielding nightmare for a daughter. I feel nothing but utter sorrow for them.
  • Results for Which One Of The Kids Who I Sell Samurai Swords To Are You?

    You Are The 12-Year-Old Who Goes By “The Shadow”!

    Okay, so you’re the goddamn Shadow. To this day, I honestly have no idea whether you’re one of the best swordsman ever or just a normal kid, because sometimes you show an incredible amount of skill when it comes to using a samurai sword, but other times, you say things that make it seem like you’re just a normal 12-year-old who's bewildered by puberty. You frequently use your sword to disarm me with the skill of a master samurai, but once you’ve got your blade at my throat, you start interrogating me with questions about your changing body that I don’t feel comfortable answering. My current theory is that at some point you had a fatherly sensei figure who taught you the ways of the blade, but then he abandoned you without teaching you about how puberty works. Also, you wear a garbage bag over your head to conceal your identity, and I have no idea what that’s about. That seems dangerous.

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