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What Good Is Your Goddamn Shrimp Farm If You’re Not Going To Let Anybody Eat Them?

What the hell, man? You’ve spent years growing all these shrimp and now you’re just gonna let them sit there? If you don’t let anybody eat the shrimp, then this whole big-ass shrimp farm goes to waste!

  1. 1. Seriously, would you just look at all of these goddamn shrimp that you’ve worked so hard on? The pools are packed! Bursting at the seams! And yet, you’re doing jackshit with ’em. So what the hell was the point of it all if you’re not going to let anyone eat them?
  2. 2. C’mon, what the hell, man? Can’t you at least share some shrimp with me? I’m out here drooling at the sight of all these delicious little fuckers, and I need you to hook a brother up. Can’t I just get one goddamn shrimp?
  3. 3. Goddamn, this whole operation must be costing you a fortune to keep up. How much are you paying a month to keep this thing going?



  4. 4. For chrissakes, the pools are overflowing! The shrimp are falling out onto the pavement and dying in heaps because of your idiotic refusal to do anything with them. You’re just grooming them up to die. What in the goddamn fuck?



  5. 5. So are you going to eat the shrimp? Are you hoarding the shrimp for yourself to eat at a later date? Can you help me understand what in the goddamn hell this is all about and why you refuse to let me eat any of these tasty little monsters?
  6. 6. Your company logo is a goddamn cartoon shrimp in a bib holding a fork and knife, looking like it’s about to eat an identical shrimp on a plate in front of it. What the fuck is that about if you’re not even letting anybody eat any of the shrimp? Don’t you see how that’s misleading?



  7. 7. What’s it going to take for you to let us neighbors come by and eat some of your shrimp? We drive past every day and see your shrimp—each huge and plump like a red, swollen cartoon thumb after getting hit with a hammer—and it really whets our appetites. So just tell me, what’s it going to take for you to sell us some of your goddamn shrimp?
  • Results for What Good Is Your Goddamn Shrimp Farm If You’re Not Going To Let Anybody Eat Them?

    Your Eagerness To Create Multiple Revenue Streams Will Be Your Downfall

    You seem pretty positive that there’s a ton of extra money to be made from your shrimp in addition to the selling them as food, which is really off base. It should be clear to you by now that you’re not going to get any additional cash from these shrimp, but it seems like something you’re going to have to learn the hard way.
  • Results for What Good Is Your Goddamn Shrimp Farm If You’re Not Going To Let Anybody Eat Them?

    You Just Can’t Stand The Fact That Shrimp Are Small By Nature

    You’re really dialing in on this idea that your shrimp are somehow still growing, which is patently untrue. They’re shrimp, and shrimp are small. That’s just the way it is. And until you come to terms with that, you’ll be letting a perfectly good shrimp farm go right down the tubes, you stubborn, dumb asshole.
  • Results for What Good Is Your Goddamn Shrimp Farm If You’re Not Going To Let Anybody Eat Them?

    Your Insatiable Quest For Fame Will Be Your Downfall

    It’s pretty clear that you got into shrimping for one reason and one reason only: to make it onto the local news and then be catapulted into a life of fame and fortune. There’s really no use in trying to explain how unlikely all that is, either, because you seem pretty confident about how it’s all going to go down—doesn’t seem like you’re interested in anyone else’s opinion. Meanwhile you’re sitting on an entire farm of perfectly fine shrimp, letting it all go to waste. Unbelievable.
  • Results for What Good Is Your Goddamn Shrimp Farm If You’re Not Going To Let Anybody Eat Them?

    Your Shrimp Have Traumatized You In A Deeply Profound Way, And You Don’t Want Anyone Else To Have To Experience Your Pain

    Sounds like your shrimp have made your life a living hell. That’s awful to hear. Sorry.

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