ClickHole

Does Your Kid Have What It Takes To Star In My Butter Commercial?

I am directing a commercial for butter. The lead role in the ad is for a child, around the age of 10. It is a demanding role that requires an actor of the highest caliber. Does your kid have what it takes to star in my butter commercial? Take this quiz to find out.

  1. 1. My butter commercial is going to be a 10-day shoot, and we’ll be filming on location in seven different countries on four different continents. Is your kid willing to travel outside of the U.S. to star in my butter commercial?
  2. 2. Part of my butter commercial requires a kid to slide on their stomach down a mountain of butter. Your kid’s gotta have a flat stomach or the friction will cause the butter to melt and your kid to sink into the mountain, which would really set us back. How flat is your kid’s stomach?
  3. 3. Another thing: Is your kid allergic to butter?
  4. 4. My butter commercial calls for accents. How good is your kid at accents?
  5. 5. The following is an excerpt from the script for my butter commercial.
    Think your kid can sell that line?
  6. 6. Has your kid’s face ever been known to cause primates to lash out in anger?
  7. 7. Is your kid more of a butter chewer or a butter licker?
  8. 8. How’s your kid around cannons?
  9. 9. The gender of the child in my butter commercial is subject to change on a moment’s notice based on the preference of the brand. How attached is your child to their gender?
  10. 10. There is a moment in my butter commercial when the sight of butter brings a tear to the kid’s eye. What sense memory would your kid use to really sell this moment?
  11. 11. I’m gonna be frank with you now and I need you to be frank with me in return. Is your kid Asian? Look, I’m obviously all for colorblind casting, but we originally cast an Asian kid in this role and, well, there was an accident on set and long story short, he drowned in a pool of melted butter. If I cast an Asian kid again, I just worry that it’ll remind the cast and crew of the last kid and bring a negative energy into the shoot. Your kid’s not Asian, right?
  12. 12. Show this picture to your kid and then answer the following question:
    How did your kid react to the picture?
  • Results for Does Your Kid Have What It Takes To Star In My Butter Commercial?

    Your Kid Has What It Takes To Star In My Butter Commercial!

    Yes! Your kid is the one I’ve been tirelessly searching for! A kid who has the incredible ability to make you want a piece of butter! A kid who is not afraid of the demanding shooting schedule of a non-union production. A kid who has what it takes to star in my butter commercial! Your kid! Your fucking kid! Incredible!
  • Results for Does Your Kid Have What It Takes To Star In My Butter Commercial?

    Your Kid Doesn’t Have What It Takes To Star In My Butter Commercial!

    Well, this is fucking depressing. From what you’ve told me, it seems like your kid definitely does not have what it takes to star in my butter commercial. I guess the search for the kid that has what it takes to star in my butter commercial continues.
  • Results for Does Your Kid Have What It Takes To Star In My Butter Commercial?

    Your Kid Has What It Takes To Play The Role Of ‘Child Dentist’ In My Butter Commercial!

    All right, here’s the deal. Your kid doesn’t have what it takes to star in my butter commercial. But I think your kid might be perfect for the role of "Child Dentist" in my butter commercial. It’s not top billing, but it’s a decent part. Your kid will make a great "Child Dentist." Congratulations!

I am 18 or over and willing to view sexually explicit material