Do You Have What It Takes To Keep Oscar The Grouch Behaved And Respectful On A Trip To China?

Oscar the Grouch is a mean-spirited gorilla from ‘Sesame Street,’ and one day you might need to take him with you on a vacation to China. Oscar’s a big piece of shit who lives in a trash can and is always trying his best to be as rude as possible. Do you have what it takes to keep Oscar the Grouch well behaved and respectful on your trip to China? Take this quiz to find out!

  1. 1. Before we get started, you should know that this is not going to be a fun vacation for you. Oscar the Grouch is honestly one of the rudest gorillas to ever learn to talk. One time on Sesame Street a kid smiled and said, “Hi, Oscar! I love you!” and Oscar responded by enlisting the kid’s dad in the military. Oscar is going to be a total nightmare to the Chinese, so keeping him respectful and in check is going to be an around-the-clock job. Are you up for that?
  2. 2. Oscar the Grouch is going to be a nightmare to take through airport security. The trash can he lives in always sets off all the metal detectors, and when this happens, the TSA needs to call in a bomb squad to drop an anvil on Oscar’s head. To make matters worse, when Oscar the Grouch enters an airport, he puts on a stethoscope that he keeps in his trash can and introduces himself to everyone at the airport as “Dr. 9/11.” This doesn’t mean anything, but Oscar thinks that it seems like a rude and scary thing to say at an airport. How would you get Oscar safely through airport security?
  3. 3. Oscar wants very badly to be racist, but since he’s a gorilla he doesn’t understand how racism works. As a result, he calls all human women “Orientals” and all human men “Jewesses,” regardless of ethnicity. He has no idea what these words mean; he only knows that they are somehow racist. Obviously if Oscar uses these words in front of the Chinese, it’s going to cause a lot of offense. How would you stop Oscar the Grouch from using these racially insensitive terms during your trip to China?
  4. 4. Oscar the Grouch is vaguely aware that showing strangers your genitals is considered a very grouchy thing to do, and so when he is in China he will always be trying to flash people. Unfortunately, Oscar’s body has become severely deformed after living in a trash can for 80 years. As a result, everything below his waist has turned into soil, and when he lifts himself out of his trash can to flash the Chinese, he will crumble into a pile of dirt and die. What will you do when Oscar tries to show his trash-can genitals to the people of China?
  5. 5. One thing you should know is that Oscar the Grouch got faulty information about China from his parole officer, Big Bird, who always lies to him, and now he thinks the point of the Great Wall of China is to trap stray dogs inside of China so that they can set a world record for the country with the most stray dogs. As a result, Oscar is going to try to throw every stray dog he finds over the Great Wall as a grouchy way to insult the Chinese. The Chinese are not going to be too offended by this because they don’t care about how many stray dogs they have. It’s just something to be aware of.
  6. 6. As a present for Oscar the Grouch’s 40th birthday, his unlicensed pediatricians Bert and Ernie gave him a lesson about sex in which they told Oscar that everyone larger than him was his dad. They weren’t trying to lie to him, it’s just that nobody on Sesame Street understands sex and they all honestly think this. As a result, Oscar the Grouch thinks that Chinese President Xi Jinping is his father because Xi Jinping is larger than him. When he gets to China, Oscar the Grouch is going to try to find Xi Jinping and throw a sexy high-heeled shoe at his head. This is because Oscar knows incest is considered one of the rudest things you can do, and he thinks incest is when you throw a sexy high-heeled shoe at your father’s head. How would you prevent this disaster from happening?
  7. 7. China is famous for its beautiful and intricate Buddhist temples. Fortunately for the people of China, Oscar the Grouch happens to be a devout Buddhist. Unfortunately for the people of China, the way that Oscar worships Buddha is by pushing a Toyota Corolla sedan in front of a statue of Buddha and setting it on fire as a way to “sacrifice” the car to Buddha. Oscar thinks that once the car is destroyed by the fire, it appears in heaven, where Buddha climbs into it and uses it to run over angels until it runs out of gas. When he sees all the Buddhist temples in China, Oscar’s going to be setting cars on fire like crazy, which is going to cause a ton of destruction and probably injure a lot of people. How would you prevent Oscar from igniting too many cars for Buddha during his trip to China?
  8. 8. On Sesame Street Oscar is constantly in an environment where he is allowed to interact with children and approach them at any time to offer them horrible lessons about how to be grouchy. He does not understand that in most other places, it is extremely illegal to approach other people’s children without warning and start shouting facts about garbage at them. As a result, when Oscar goes to China, he will constantly be going up to Chinese children and saying things he thinks are both educational and grouchy like, “Hello, little boy. Garbage is a part of math.” This will cause the children’s parents great distress and probably result in Oscar getting arrested. Would you be able to prevent Oscar from approaching children all the time?
  • Results for Do You Have What It Takes To Keep Oscar The Grouch Behaved And Respectful On A Trip To China?

    You Would Do A Great Job Keeping Oscar The Grouch Well-Behaved In China!

    Nice job! You definitely have what it takes to keep Oscar the Grouch respectful and well-behaved during your vacation in China. Oscar is going to try very hard to be a grouchy menace in China, but you’re going to keep him in check by exploiting his tiny brain. When you get on the plane to go back to America, the Chinese military will award Oscar the Grouch the Chinese Medal of Basic Politeness, which it awards to every tourist who visits China without killing anybody. Nice job!
  • Results for Do You Have What It Takes To Keep Oscar The Grouch Behaved And Respectful On A Trip To China?

    Oscar The Grouch Would Be Extremely Rude And Humiliate You On A Trip To China!

    Bad news! According to this quiz, you wouldn't have what it takes to keep Oscar the Grouch well-behaved if he went with you on vacation to China. Oscar would be a real disrespectful terror, and everyone in China is going to hate him. They will think that the average American lives in a trash can and shouts lies about the alphabet at passing children. The Chinese government will kick the both of you out of China, and you will be extremely embarrassed. Don’t feel too bad, though! Oscar the Grouch sucks, and it’s really hard to make him behave. It’s not a reflection on you, he’s just a lost cause.
  • Results for Do You Have What It Takes To Keep Oscar The Grouch Behaved And Respectful On A Trip To China?

    Under Your Shoddy Supervision, Oscar The Grouch’s Bad Behavior Would Start A War Between China And The United States!

    Yikes! According to this quiz, you would do such a bad job keeping Oscar the Grouch well-behaved in China that his perverted grouchiness would end up causing a war between the United States and China. Your inability to keep Oscar in check is so severe that he would just constantly be yelling at Chinese children and committing crimes involving Chinese President Xi Jinping. He might even pull Xi Jinping’s pants down, which would not go over well with the Chinese military. Basically, he’d be such a terror that the Chinese government would have no choice but to try to fight a war against America for allowing a big, green piece of shit like Oscar the Grouch to roll around China in his trash can causing misery wherever he goes. Better luck next time!

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