ClickHole

Can You Convince Gandalf To Start Paying Child Support For His Son Who Lives In Florida?

Gandalf The Grey is a powerful wizard of many great feats, but he has not yet risen to the responsibilities of fatherhood as legally specified by the state of Florida. He’s known as a powerful and righteous sorcerer in lands afar. However, in the Miami-Dade area, Gandalf is simply viewed as a deadbeat dad who refuses to even pay child support for his son. Can you convince him to start paying up?

  1. 1. Gandalf pays for everything with acorns and bones, because in Middle Earth, everyone is afraid he’ll use his powerful magic on them if they point out that acorns and bones have no value. How will you introduce him to U.S. currency so he can pay for his child support with something his single-mother ex can use?
  2. 2. What tips will you give Gandalf about explaining why he hasn’t paid child support yet in court?
  3. 3. One thing you need to know about Gandalf in this situation is that he has dozens of children with hobbits back in Middle Earth and he simply sends those who ask anything of him to Mordor. How will you convince him not to send his Floridian son to Mordor?
  4. 4. Gandalf will try to pawn off his responsibility on the nearest short person he can find as soon as you confront him, because in Middle Earth, he dumps all his problems on hobbits, who just sort of take it. Which short person who won’t put up with Gandalf’s shit will you make sure to have around?
  5. 5. When Gandalf cries, orcs can smell his tears and will quickly be upon you, inciting an epic battle of good and evil that could last centuries, which will only give him another excuse to not pay child support. How will you prevent him from weeping when you explain what he needs to do?
  6. 6. Gandalf will eventually break down and tell you that the only reason he hasn’t paid yet is because he still wants to get back with his ex, since no one in Middle Earth finds wizards sexy. What will you say in response to this revelation?
  • Results for Can You Convince Gandalf To Start Paying Child Support For His Son Who Lives In Florida?

    You Have Convinced Gandalf To Pay Child Support!

    Your fair but stern moral lessons have made sense to the logical mind of Middle Earth’s most powerful wizard. He has promised to do better and start paying his ex immediately.
  • Results for Can You Convince Gandalf To Start Paying Child Support For His Son Who Lives In Florida?

    Oh No, You Convinced Gandalf To Commit Suicide!

    Gandalf wasn’t perfect, but he has saved the realm a time or two! He just doesn’t understand the complicated mythology of Florida, and your aggressive badgering didn’t help. You should feel ashamed of yourself.
  • Results for Can You Convince Gandalf To Start Paying Child Support For His Son Who Lives In Florida?

    You Did Not Convince Gandalf To Pay Child Support!

    As it turns out, you were too easy on the most powerful wizard of Middle Earth, and his continued attempts to get back with his ex will just lead to him getting slapped with a restraining order. Oh well.

I am 18 or over and willing to view sexually explicit material