Christmas crawls nearer with each passing second. Are you prepared for the Red Jacket Man?

  1. 1. How full is your jingle cave?
  2. 2. What Christmas mantra do you say over and over every day at sundown until you are dismissed?
  3. 3. How robust are your Christmas fantasies?
  4. 4. When the tired virgin is wheeled to your home on Christmas Eve, who will you impersonate to make her clap?
  5. 5. Unto which list has the Red Jacket Man carved your family’s name?
  6. 6. Which of the merry morsels do you feed your family?
  7. 7. When the Red Jacket Man is in your house, how will you make him go away?
  8. 8. Could you possibly believe any more if you tried?
  • Results for Are You Ready For Christmas?

    You are not ready for Christmas.

    Oh, no. No no no. What are you thinking? Are you crazy? ’Tis the season! Don’t you realize this? ’Tis the season! You’re letting everyone down.
  • Results for Are You Ready For Christmas?

    You are a little bit ready for Christmas.

    Well, the Red Jacket Man certainly won’t be giving you anything from the Sack of Christmas Allegiance, but you’ve probably done enough to earn a few loose Mentos from the Consolation Sack. Maybe have a little respect and try harder next time.
  • Results for Are You Ready For Christmas?

    You are ready for Christmas.

    The Red Jacket Man has been staring at you ceaselessly on cameras and from your closet, and he knows you understand and respect the real reason for the season (appeasing depraved and capricious planets). Your submission to Christmas is satisfactory. You may sleep without fear.
  • Results for Are You Ready For Christmas?

    You are too ready for Christmas.

    Oh, you poor, misguided monkey. You’ve gone too far! This isn’t getting into the Christmas spirit—this is a travesty! No jingle cave needs to be so full. No tidings need to be so dementedly glad. You’ve gotten so caught up in impressing the Red Jacket Man that you’ve lost sight of the real reason for the season: appeasing depraved and capricious planets. Oh, pitiful monkey, it will be many years before you outlive this shame.