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Are You Enough Of A Tough Guy To Make Up For Your Adorably Long Eyelashes?

Can you prove you’re full of piss and vinegar despite your adorably long lashes? Take this quiz to find out!

  1. 1. Ever since your birth made the front page of a local newspaper with the headline “The Lashed Wonder Is Born,” the lengthy lashes adorning your eyeballs have been the foremost thing people identify you with. Odds are at some point in life you’ve been referred to as “Prince Long Lash” or “The Luscious Lash Lad” or “Eye Swain” or “The Gentleman Who Kisses With A Blink.” How do you respond to those kind of comments?
  2. 2. Your eyelashes are so heavenly long that even though you did wrestling in high school to prove that you were a hardcore goon-to-the-bone, you won several championships only because the lashes would constantly tickle your opponents into submission. The coaches even engraved your trophy with “1st Place In Cute-As-Hell Eyelashes” instead of “All-State Wrestling Champion.” Nowadays, when you accidentally tickle someone with your lengthy lashes, what do you smash to let them know you didn’t mean to?
  3. 3. Over the years, you’ve found that people are unable to help themselves from commenting on your delightfully long eye plumage. If you had a nickel for every time a priest has stopped a church service just to tell you that your eyelashes will go to heaven even if you don’t, you’d be rich AND blessed with length of lash. If someone were to ask you if your eyelashes were real, extensions, or charming little skis that Tinkerbell uses to slide around the top of cupcakes on, what would you say?
  4. 4. Which of these do people associate with you the most?
  5. 5. When people at the gym thank you for “being such a sweetheart” because your frondlike lashes fan them and keep them cool, how do you make them realize that you’re the human offspring of an elephant bull in musth and a handle of Wild Turkey infused with Mark McGwire’s steroid piss?
  6. 6. Lastly, be honest: Is there a line of people next to you who’ve brought their kids to pet your eyelashes? Are you going to get in their face and scream?
  • Results for Are You Enough Of A Tough Guy To Make Up For Your Adorably Long Eyelashes?

    You are beyond tough enough to make up for your long eyelashes!

    Damn, you have to be pretty tough to make people overlook your belle-of-the-ball eyelashes. You are grit and grime incarnate. You’re such a big-bruising, bone-crushing stack of Big-And-Bad that everyone’s going to think twice before suggesting that your eyelashes would make a perfect nest for angels to live in.
  • Results for Are You Enough Of A Tough Guy To Make Up For Your Adorably Long Eyelashes?

    You exude toughness, but it’s secondary to your long lashes.

    You’re more of a “long-lashed guy who’s also tough” in the eyes of other people rather than a “tough guy who’s also got long lashes.” Sure, you might be able to give someone a real dirty look, but it’s going to be kind of cute. Your lengthy eyelashes will melt hearts before your otherwise rough exterior intimidates them.
  • Results for Are You Enough Of A Tough Guy To Make Up For Your Adorably Long Eyelashes?

    Face it, you’re not a tough guy! You’re an adorable, long-lashed wonder.

    Nothing about you says that you aren’t every bit as sweet and dreamy as your long eyelashes suggest. You’re the human equivalent of an Easy-Bake Oven. It’s not even worth your time to put on some sort of tough-guy act. You’re much better off embracing the fact that Shirley Temple was about as cute as a mass grave compared to your eyelashes.

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