Beyoncé Makes Susan B. Anthony Look Like A Shit-Sucking Gutter Feminist

Posted July 23, 2014
Instagram via Beyonce / Wikimedia Commons

It’s hard not to be inspired by Beyoncé. Queen Bey is on top of the world, and as a woman, that’s something to celebrate. Through her talent, intelligence, and passion, Beyoncé has reclaimed femininity as a mark of agency and power, and has proven that through hard work and perseverance, any woman can overcome sexism in order to live the life she always dreamed of. In fact, it’s safe to say that Beyoncé’s contributions to female empowerment are so incredible that they make Susan B. Anthony look like nothing more than a shit-sucking gutter feminist.

Don’t get me wrong—I love Susan B. Anthony. I think she was an incredibly brave and inspiring person, and all American women are indebted to her fight for suffrage. It’s just that, compared to Beyoncé, Susan B. Anthony is a garbage queen who eats and shits trash. Bey had the strength to thrive in the male-dominated recording industry, and she uses her fame in order to spread the message that girls “run the world,” which, quite frankly, makes Susan B. Anthony’s contributions to the women’s movement in the late 19th century look like simpering toilet feminism that makes me wish I were a man.

Bey gives me hope for a better world in a way that Susan B. Anthony’s comparatively frail slurry of gutter feminism and dump activism never could.

As a woman, when I see Beyoncé performing on stage in front of thousands of screaming fans, proudly flaunting her success and power in spite of a patriarchal society, I find it so inspiring that, by comparison, Susan B. Anthony starts to look like a belch-peddling swamp activist, and I want to travel back in time and dump garbage on her. That’s just the kind of positive role model Queen Bey is for the young women of today. She’s the kind of person I, and millions of other women, aspire to be.

Women in modern society face many challenges. Sometimes it can seem hard to succeed when the world appears to be working against you at all turns. But then you see someone like Beyoncé, and all of a sudden, those challenges start to look less daunting, and Susan B. Anthony starts to look like a shit-covered sewer urchin who makes me throw up in my mouth. Bey gives me hope for a better world in a way that Susan B. Anthony’s comparatively frail slurry of gutter feminism and dump activism never could.

Fuck Susan B. Anthony.