ClickHole

Uh Oh: Dan’s Death Must Have Been Really Gnarly If Everyone On Facebook Is Being So Vague About It

Well. This can’t be good.

So Dan, everyone’s favorite jokester and all-around good guy, apparently died last week in some kind of tragic accident. All the posts that have showed up on Facebook so far have being pretty cagey about the details though, so uh… Dan’s death must have been pretty gnarly?

Oh man. That seriously sucks for Dan.

It all started when Dan’s mom posted an old picture of Dan graduating from middle school last night and wrote a whole thing about how she couldn’t bare to see her baby boy go “the way he did.” Which, what the hell does that even mean? Man, it must have been really ugly if his mom can’t even mention the details. If it had been something normal like drugs or a car accident or something, she probably would have at least hinted at it.

What the hell happened to Dan? Man, it must have really sucked.

Sure, Dan loved to go surfing, and yeah he would sometimes have a few drinks after work, but probably those things wouldn’t have, like, mangled him. Seems like a freak thing. And it definitely wasn’t cancer, because if he’d been sick for a while, he probably would have posted about his chemo or friends would have gone to see him in the hospital. Apparently last night was the “hardest four hours” of his family’s life, so… guess it was fast, but not, like, quick and painless fast.

Maybe he got shot??

Man, not even Dan’s brother is posting about what happened to him. Apparently the kid was with Dan when shit went down, but the most he’s giving people is a link to his obituary, which is also weirdly short. It does say that it’s a closed-casket funeral, though. Jesus, dude. Whaaaat’s goin’ on with that body?

And you know it’s seriously fucked up because Dan’s sister, Emily, deleted her Facebook and Instagram yesterday, and she pretty much lives on social.

Either way, the family is apparently asking for everyone to donate to something called Dan’s Fund, which according to its website, is a fund to help kids like Dan get scholarships for college. Doesn’t say anything about what happened to Dan though, because at this point, it seems waaaay too gnarly.

Damn, Dan. R.I.P.

Well, whatever happened to Dan, it’s safe to say that it could not have been good. Maybe more information about him will show up on the news in a few days, but until then, we’re just gonna have to keep assuming shit was pretty fucked up and leave it at that.


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